Keep Calm I Am Not Smarter Than A First Grader

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I consider myself a well-educated woman! I have a college degree and am once again attending college to further my education. I like to teach and enjoy reading! So naturally my ever so inquisitive ( See big word, I told you I was smart) 6yo asks me questions all freaking day long!What is this, and Why is that? Which leaves me to ask my own question.

Why the hell do I not know the answers to the questions she is asking! I mean i should know, but the kid stumps me, every single time! So for your humorous pleasure I decided to list the ways in which I am not smarter than a first Grader

  1. I do not know if elephants are larger than giraffe’s! I guess it depends if you are talking height or weight.
  2. I can not tell you why the sky is blue.
  3. I do not know where the colors of the rainbow come from?
  4. I honestly cannot tell you where the tooth fairy is or how she knows that your tooth came out.
  5. nope I sure cannot tell you what 20 minus 7 is without counting on my fingers.
  6. Why does the sun circle the earth? Oh yeah I can’t tell you that one either
  7. Hmm Fractions! Did you know first graders start learning fractions! That information was dumped from my head after my first round of college!
  8. Is a Cheetah faster than a horse? Umm I think so….
  9. I absolutely did not know that a baby dolphin was called a calf!
  10. If you ask me to name all of the U.S. Presidents then I am going to tell you to Google it Kid!

OH Wait! You do not know what Google is! YES… At least I know something a First Grader doesn’t know!!

To my Daughter’s Daycare

Dear Ladies who take care of my daughter,

     I walked in the building today with five-year old in tow. Signed her in, put up her backpack and then walked her back to the morning class. You did not see me at first as you and your coworker were standing with your backs turned to the children starting at the i phone. We had a storm the night before and you were chatting about the weather, and while I understand your curiosity and that you were trying to see the local radar, I seen something totally different.

   It was a full minute of watching you two talking and looking down at the weather app before turning to notice mine and my daughters attendance. I hugged her and said goodbye with much reluctance on my part I might add. You did not see what I see. Until you have looked at this scenario from a parent’s eyes, then you can not possible understand.

  I seen two employees standing there with children eating breakfast with their backs turned to them. I seen the possibilities of what could go wrong in sixty seconds while your backs were turned. Did you know that if a child or any human is truly choking that they will make absolutely no sound at all. If you have attended basic CPR, and I know that you in deed have as it is required, then you would know this tidbit of information. It takes less than sixty seconds for a choking victim to become unconscious and stop breathing. Please do not turn your backs on them.

  My daughter is the single most important person in my life and I as a working mother have to trust you explicitly. You are part of the team that is helping me to raise her and teach her. Do not turn your back on her.

I realize that parents are not able to keep 100 percent watchful eye on their kids. I understand that this thought may be crossing your mind as you read this. However, You are being trusted with at least ten children each day and that is your sole and only responsibility for those eight hours. At the risk of sounding a bit snobbish, it is what you are getting paid to do. Do not turn your back on her.

    If you do not feel that you can take care of the precious life that I have intrusted upon you, then you do not need to be in child care. I have a high stress job in which i can deal with the most intimidating of persons and guess what is the single most difficult part of my day is? It is dropping off my children every morning and trusting their care to strangers in hopes that they will protect and care for them while I am off trying to provide for them. That is the absolute scariest part of my day.  She is my heart and my sole and deserves the best care you can offer. So not turn your back on her.

   You could not see the fury on my face as I left your facility with sadness and anger all over my face. You did not see me plant a smile on my face as I pretended to be okay for the other two kid’s sake. I wanted to yell at you and say What the hell! But I refrained from doing just that. Instead I passively walked out and await to bring to your director’s attention. I do not think you are bad or need to get terminated. But I do think that this needs to be brought to your attention. If it is one thing that I hope you take away from all this is the importance of your role in caring for my daughter, and never ever again, turn you back on her.

                                                                      Regards,

                                                                            April

 

 

In the eye of the Swine

April:

With all the ebola talks, I thought we could all use a reminder that flu season is upon us! I wrote this in a moment of frustration from seing so many yound healthy people die last year from H1N1!

Originally posted on From diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms:

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photo from mercola.com

As  sure as I am standing here, I begin to feel a churning in my stomach. Like I am going to be sick, my insides want to come out. I don’t usually get sick to my stomach as I am a 40 something year old who  takes vitamins, works out and… oh yeah, it’s coming.  Lunch just came back  up.  Man, that cheeseburger didn’t taste so good coming out. Yuck! I must have some sort of stomach bug. A few hours later it begins on the other end! That is not a picture I am going to paint, but it’s brutal. This is not making for a great day, and it’s time to go home. It’s just a stomach bug, I will feel better in a bit. Let me just take some sips of Gatorade here and there, and I will be okay. I never get sick….

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We had a Date night

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The apocalypse happened and me and the hubby were granted a date night! I can’t believe it myself because it had been so long! I know, I know.. it doesn’t take much to make this girl happy!

I randomly sent my sister-in-law a text asking her to watch the kids and she couldn’t do it the night i had asked for but said she could do it this Saturday! Naturally I jumped at the offer and said Yes without hesitation! You don’t have to tell this girl twice.

We are kind of low on funds here as of late, but decided to make the trip as it would be worth it for both of our sanity’s sake! Dropping the kids off at the in-laws we decided on a BBQ restaurant that was very inexpensive.

I felt like a woman again. Not someone’s mom, but April! A thirty something woman who was out on a date. The hubby held open my doors like he did when we were dating. Quite the change from both of us toting around our kids while kicking the door shut behind us!

I had forgotten how much my husband actually talks while at the restaurant. We talked the entire time as if we did when staying up till 4am in those early dating stages. A well-kept secret for those who do not know the Hubby because most would categorize him as the silent type. It honestly surprised me when we started dating because until then I had thought he was the silent type as well.

Next was a movie! Two Hours of quiet time just me and the hubby, Umm yes please! Alexander and the terrible, no good very bad day! It was hilarious and a much-needed laugh for two parents who had been stressed to the max! I highly recommend you watching the movie it was great and just what the doctor ordered.

After two hours of much-needed alone time it was time to pick up the kiddos, and you know what? They were so exhausted all we did was pick them up and go straight to bed! It even gave us a little time to miss them.

We lose our identity as parents, and forget that the one we drift away from will be the one who is still around once the kids grow up and move out. Most days are hard pressed to find some time together, but I think necessary.

I am afraid that If I do not begin to make more of an effort with my husband then once the kids are gone we will forget why we got married in the first place. Our date night was a nice refresher, but we must remember to make that effort more often. Not just when the stars and moon aligns once every eight months or so!

So this is my declaration that at least once every two months We will make an effort to spend time together. I know once every two months is not much but baby steps people, baby steps. Whether it be a put the beds to early and sit on the couch together date or a go out on the town type of date we will stick to this! We will not forget that we were first a couple before parents. We will remember why we fell in love and foster that relationship like it deserves to be fostered.

How Long has it been since your last date? Has it been months or was it just last week? What tips or suggestions do you have for parents who are having trouble making time for each other?

Tips from a Blogger while she is still learning

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I now have over 200 followers which is AWESOME! While by some big bloggy standards that may not mean much but to me it is amazing! It serves as validation that I do have a voice! Thank you all for reading my little blog, this experience has been nothing short of wonderful.

Since i am still considering myself new at this ( less than a year) I thought I would share some tips that I have picked up along the way.

Tips from a blogger while she is still learning!

  1. SET no Expectations! – Every day 20,000 people decide to start a blog! – amazing huh.. So do not expect to be an overnight success because it will not happen
  2. You truly have to work at getting followers – In my early days I thought I would just write some stuff and people would read it and follow, but not so much! It wasn’t until I began to interact with other bloggers by commenting on their blogs that I began to build my own community
  3. Do not be afraid to do something different – if you always write in a certain style it is okay to try something new – you just may discover a new side to you
  4. Remember your readers can tell the different between a post that has something to say and a post just to post! – In effort to just get something out there, I have done this one myself and guess what? My readers did  not buy it! so lesson learned
  5. It’s okay to take a break – I know you just started and now we are talking about taking a break – but seriously life gets in the way sometimes and it’s just hard! The word press community is amazing and they will be here to support you when you get back!
  6. It will take time to find your voice I honestly began writing in one style and quickly realized that once I found my voice it was different from I had imagined. I wanted to write in this humorous sarcastic style and while that is certainly one side of me, I always ended up trying to up lift and encourage – so that has become my voice – but still a little sarcasm in the mix here and there
  7. You will get unfollowed – hey your writing will not be for everyone and while it hurts who the hell cares ( see my sarcasm is still in there) – but honestly the first time I realized i had been unfollowed by a blogger that I truly enjoyed it hurt, but then I realized that we have different styles and mine isn’t for them, so that’s okay with me.
  8. You will find connections that you have never imagined – there are some bloggers that I would probable be best friends with had they not lived so far away, so it’s nice to meet people across oceans from you that feel like family
  9. Social Media – this is the key to getting the word our there! Start a Facebook page or twitter account – we are social media machines and it works!
  10. Just be yourself – Have fun and enjoy the ride!

I hope you enjoyed my tips, They certainly would have helped me when I began almost a year ago! a special thanks to all of my followers who read what this tired mommy has to say! I appreciate all of you for reading and sticking around as this has been a personally enlightening experience in my Life!