Survival tips for new Dads

diaper

For all of you first time dads, I have something to tell you! Your wife, is not the same carefree, super cool chick that you fell in love with! She just had a baby, and once a woman has a baby shit gets real! She is tired, hormonal, her boobs hurt and she has to care for and not screw up another human being. Long gone are the days of frivolous spending and flying by the seat of your pants.  The little quirks about you that she used to think were cute, she will now find annoying. Believe me, she will make sure you know it too! You know what I am talking about.

For me it was my husband sleeping till noon every day. Pre kids it never bothered me, but after yeah buddy I made sure he got up with me! The good news for you is I am going to help you out and keep you in good graces with the wifie, but you have to pay attention.

  1. When you get home from work, take the baby! She is expecting it and if you go take a shower and turn on the t.v. all you have managed to do is piss off your wife. In her mind she has been taking care of the baby all day, probably haven’t showered and here you show up after having an all day break and you immediately take a shower! Umm no sir, TAKE THE BABY!

  2. Tell your wife she is a wonderful mother and tell her often. Especially if the baby is colicky and nothing will help. She will feel like a failure and she needs you to remind her how wonderful she is!

  3. If she is breast feeding then you change the babies diapers! Share the duties that you can share so that she is not doing all of the work alone, or help around the house. Do the dishes, Laundry vacuuming anything she needs. Do not make her feel like she has to do it all! Be her partner in every way possible!

  4. With spit up on her, a baby attached to her boob, no make  up on and little chance of showering she will feel ugly! Tell her how beautiful she is. She may laugh at you but hey, laughter is good stress relief!

  5. Never make comments about the baby crying. Example -” why can’t you get the baby to stop crying or It’s hard to go to work with the baby crying like this! – she will take this as an insult and it will not go well for you! Sometimes it’s the best she can do to not shake the shit out of that colicky screaming baby and any comments from you is sure to back fire in a bad way!

okay, so there you go just to get you started! Congrats on your new bundle of Joy and all the adventure that goes with it! I hope these tips help you understand the state of mind of your wife and keeps you out of trouble. if you do not take the advice given and end up in the dog house, then that’s on you. I tried my best to help you out!

 

Tonight I watch you sleep

little man sleeping with his daddy!

little man sleeping with his daddy!

I hears you coughing so I went in to check on you. Opening the door ever so quietly, I stood there in awe of you. The length of your body takes up more than half of the crib now. A crib you are soon t out grow.  leaving behind almost every trace of the little baby I once knew.
In watching your slumber I sat and listened. Listening to you snoring so loud it made the wall rattle and shake. unable to move just standing there watching as my sweet baby sleeps. It’s been a while since I have watched you sleep, so I sat in the glider next to your bed and watched for a little longer. So strong and independent at even three months old you began to soother yourself to sleep on you own. Only wanting to be layed in your crib as you would drift off the dream land on your own. A busy mom of three I kindly obliged.
Now as I sit next to you with my hand on your head, I would give anything to have those early moments back.  Rocking you with your head on my shoulder while singing twinkle little star. Letting my emotions get away from me tears welled in my eyes. Flashes of memories flooding my head, from  the day you were born, our unbreakable bond, every cry, your first smile. Remembering it all. Tears of sadness running down my face for how grown up you are getting, tears of joy for the kind,loving and fen little boy you are becoming.
Almost two years old and I can already see the beginnings of the young man you will become. Always so loving and tender, sharing and kind. As much as it makes me shudder to think of you as an adult you will be a great husband one day.
So independent and strong while being sensitive, kind and brave. You will be a great role model for others. For your children, for other children, maybe even teach your old mom  a few things.
As the memories and tears continue to flood, from the pas and for the future of the frown man you will become, tonight I am choosing to make time stand still. Tonight I will watch you sleep as I rub my hand through your freshly cut hair. Because tonight and every night no matter how old you become or how far you may move away. You will always be my sweet little baby. I will love you anywhere.
 

 

The fear I never seen coming

In ten short days the school year will begin. The summer went by so fast I can’t believe it’s time for another year! There are many things I love about the school year/ The beginnings of fall with the cool weather in the mornings, to the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin everywhere. Planning our Christmas and all three of my kids birthdays beginning next month.
When you have kids you begin to imagine what there lives will be like long before they ever reach the age of your imagination. You think about them in school when they are just mere babies, and consider what it will be like. How will you will feel about starting school. Will their teachers be kind and caring? Will my child make friends easily? But there is one thing that continues to plaque my mind as this school year approaches.
With one beginning pre school and one starting first grade, I just can’t help but think. Just can’t help but worry. I say a prayer every night and never thought this would ever be a prayer needed. When your children are in school and away from you, there is nothing you can do to protect or shelter them. You just hope they are safe and that the good lord keeps them that way.
This prayer I am referring to is about keeping my kids safe. It goes something like this.

Dear God,

I know I am selfish, and I don’t always pray. If you could just please watch over my children this school year. Please keep them safe and out of harms way. I remember the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I watched the news regarding the sandy Hook shooting, and how every christmas has forever been changed for me. How I will think of that tragedy and those parents every year for the rest of my days. So if you could please watch over them, I would greatly appreciate it. I may not be the perfect mother, but I love these kids with all of my heart!

Amen

It’s funny how Seven years ago I thought my biggest fear about school would be about whether or not my kids would enjoy school and make friends. It wasn’t until the second week of school last year that the realization hit me. My daughter came home from her second week of Kindergarten talking about these drill they had to do at school that day. The first two I knew. It was the fire drill and the tornado drill. I got those, but then she began talking about  a third drill. I didn’t understand it at first.  She didn’t know the name of it or why they were doing it, just that they were to hide. Still not understanding I pulled out her binder, and that’s where it read in black and white. Today we will be practicing three drills.
Focusing solely on the third drill as the pit of my stomach made me want to vomit as if I was pregnant in my first trimester it read Intruder/Shooter drill. It’s happened. This world we live in is a world that has to protect innocent children from shooters coming in just because they could.
Upon thinking of my own school experiences the tears streamed down my face. You see, this is not something that I have ever worried about in school as a child myself. School was where my friends were, some of my favorite teachers and where we could have fun and learn. It was a safe place. It pains me to think that our children have to prepare for the event of a school shooting. A six-year-old shouldn’t know what a shooter is. Children should know love and happiness but sadly they will fear a world that takes what they want at any cost.
There are no words to make this realization more palatable, so I leave you with this. As a reminder to myself also. Hold on to those babies, make the moments count. Hug them a little tighter and say a prayer. Pray for our children as they begin this school year. That peace and happiness surround them and to always keep them safe.

live-the-life-you-love-inspirational-quote-motivation-picture-image-advice

I might as well get used to my couch

couch

I miss the village… A recent popular blog post about the village it takes to raise a kid. Or at least the village that used to help raise a kid.  This is particularly resonating with me tonight as I sit at my computer loaded with frustration.

A distant memory sit in my mind from seven years ago while still pregnant with my first-born. We were at the dinner table with the in-laws and they were telling us how they wanted to be the first called if a babysitter is needed, and yada yada yada.. and at first with only one baby, we could get anyone to watch her, however at the time we didn’t want to be away from her! New parenting mistake.. Learn from this one new mom’s! You need the time away! Take the help while you can get it!

Fast forward to three kids later, and I will be damned we have to beg a plead to get a night together! It’s honestly gotten to the point that we have just stopped trying, I remember having to beg for our anniversary because the hubby asked and he was told no, so i started messaging and saying how it was our ten-year anniversary could someone please watch the kids for us! It amazes me how life has changed. Suddenly no one is available ever to help me and the hubby have a moment of sanity.

I guess this is dredging up because I asked for a night out with the hubby and was politely told everyone has to work. The same excuses you know. and that’s fine but apparently the hubby also asked about this friday night because the Teenage mutant ninja turtles is coming out and he knows I want to see it, and the same reason was given. We haven’t asked in a while so I guess we thought maybe just maybe we could this one time…

I have started to hang out with my friend every now and then just to see a grown up movie, because I know that me and the hubby will never get to go to one. But that doesn’t stop his family from inviting him to the movies without me, or tubing etc.  In other words, the hubby and I never have time to work on our relationship.

It apparently takes two hours to put the kids to bed, so once that is done then it’s our bedtime. WE used to watch t.v. together but are too exhausted to do that anymore. we are just going through the motions lately. It’s honestly not a way to sustain a relationship but it’s our problem and no one elses I guess.

Where is the village? The families that support and help one another. The ones that offer to give parents a mental break. Both sets of grandparents live 20 minutes away and I can count on less than one hand the amount of times that they have spent time with my children in the last couple of months. I have even been told before by my parents well your sister needs us. Just because we are independent does not mean that we don’t need you. I need you..My kids need you…

Where is the village because I am sure not seeing it. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to see a husband and wife enjoy a night out together on Facebook. Happy that they get to remember why they fell in love but frustrated for me because the last date my hubby and I had been in march and we had to beg for it because it was our anniversary. Yep, you read that right it was five months ago. We couldn’t drop the kids off till 6pm and we were so tired and stressed from getting the kids out the door that we honestly didn’t have the best time.

Forgive my whining tonight, but the last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful. School is fixing to start and we have the head lice that is not going along with Ballet starting.. It’s just piling up and I need to unload. I have unloaded on the kids for the past two days and yelled which I hate to do! But with nowhere to release the tension it just came out and loud.

After my very honest children informed me of how mean I was being, I thought that this would be an appropriate more therapeutic way to get the feelings out.  Here I am ready to have a meltdown so I will just keep blogging and get used to my couch because it’s not like I am going anywhere anytime soon!

My arch Nemesis:The Head Lice

wpid-doctor-mother-head-lice-goes-on-ecards-someecards.png

 

I have been off wordpress for the last few days. Haven’t even been able to read many blog posts. Well, why april you ask. Oh I am about to tell you! It has to do with those creepy crawly head bugs that are now my arch nemesis!

I received a call thursday that my oldest had head lice and truly I was appalled! We have never come across this issue in our parenting adventures to date but here we our, now dealing with it! I immediately left work and paid way too much money on over the counter medication, the spray to kill on furniture etc. and went to work on my poor kiddos hair!If you have seen her pictures then you know that she has long thick hair and is a pain to comb! So as I am combing through her hair I see one and it’s still alive! Mother Fudger this is supposed to be dead! Two hour later and I am still combing and it’s awful!

Next it was time to do the four-year old because oh yeah she has them too! I would like to meet anyone who has successfully treated and combed out a four-year old! This child kicked and screamed the entire time that I combed through her hair until the point of frustration on my part and said to hell with it!

Next everything was placed in bags and or thrown out! So needless to say it was a late night and I was exhausted! the very next morning I could still see 6yo itching away, so I looked in her head and but of course she still has some crawling around in their little mansion that they have created in my poor daughters head! annoyed would be an understatement. So I decided to call in to work and deal with this head on, no pun intended, My boss told me about listerine and said that it has worded for a friend of hers who has been dealing with it all summer, so why not!

I listerined that child’s head like there was no tomorrow, then cleaned up the house. Gleefully happy when I combed through her hair and the bugs were actually dead like they should be! We combed and then I took the 6yo school clothes shopping as part of her bribe for sitting still. Hey, it’s the best we could do under the circumstances.

Then for the next two days we were good. That is until we weren’t anymore! Itching again today I went and got some more Listerine! doused the girls and my hair. 5yo did okay but 4 you holy crapola that child would not cooperate! I eventually spanked the poor child but that even didn’t work! So here I am drinking my red wine, hating those creepy crawly bugs! They are now and will forever be my arched nemesis! I surely hope this takes because combing through these girls hair is not going to work! O realize there are worse things in the world but this is just stressing me out! Any suggestions for a stressed out moma on how to get rid of head lice effectively?

A funeral and five Crazy Ladies

I work with some amazing people. Every day we support,cover and encourage one another! From the moment I took my nurse manager position it has never ceased to amaze me the comrades that we have for each other!  Complete opposites and yet we get along so well!
Today was a fine example of this as we went to a coworker’s father’s funeral. We didn’t go because we knew her dad, but to support our colleague in her time of need. Picture in the car four woman from ages 20’s,30’s 40’s and 50’s in the same car and trying to get on time. Yeah well, that didn’t happen.  True to form we arrived there late, sat in the back and hugged our colleague after the service. She had tears in her eyes when she seen us, and a service dog was there nuzzling my leg! yeah don’t know. after the funeral we decided it was time for lunch and the conversation went something like this!

 

I need to go back to work drop me off at the hospital
Well, I just need to run in and get my purse, and i will grab Amber on the way..
text- get your shit we are having lunch off campus
was that text meant for me?
Yes, let’s go
ok
Where do you want to eat
Don’t care let’s Go
Ooh how about Tin Cow
Tin cow sucks it takes too long
Where is Rebecca did she get lost-still waiting in the hospital parking lot
Text-Did you get lost or what?
Tin cow will not take long, My friend works there I will just tell her to hurry that shit up
No I did not get lost, I had to show someone where to go
No tin cow, pick somewhere else
What about five sisters
Can’t go there they are too stingy with their rolls
You can’t punish a place for one time of bad service
Then why don’t we go to Tin Cow
No tin Cow! How about five sisters?
Five sisters it is!
How do I get there?
It’s just down the road
Where
Go Left
I think it’s right
No not this way you were supposed to go left
turn around
I can turn this way
Here is the damn GPS I can’t go anywhere without it
Oh it’s this way let me turn around
no shit Sherlock
Five sisters is going to take too long
No it’s not
Look the parking lot is empty
I’m hungry-driver pulls in too fast!
Get out of the car
What the crap they are closed on Mondays
i’m so hungry
Let’s keep driving
Tin cow!
No that will take too long!
How about the fish house
And you don’t think that will take too long, The Tin cow will be better
everything is going to take too long at this point
I’m hungry turning corner way too fast!
she’s trying to kill us, put on your seat belt
I’m hungry
Just park and don’t worry about finding a damn tree to park by
 ooh here is a spot
no there, it’s closer
get that spot or i will  get out of the car and stand in it
can you parallel park
what about that irish place
its a bar
no they have irish food
It’s a BAR! – here the irish music playing
oh
hmm, leisure club
tin cow
no
leisure club it is
these heels are killing me
I’m hungry
and we made it!
Thank you jesus it’s time to eat!
I love these ladies.  we don’t always get along, and all different ages we see the world differently, but for one thing is sure. We have each other’s backs and always have a good time! They make work fun and I am greatful to have them in my life!

 

 

 

Botched C – section

lifeHave you ever thought about what it would be like to just have planned c-section? The ease of just walking in at a scheduled time and having a baby with a perfectly round head? Relief! That’s what I felt when my doctor first told me that I was going to need a schedule Cesarian while expecting my oldest.  I can hear the angels singing now, except for the part where my baby was breech. That part truly sucked!  Honestly all I could think of was I don’t have to go through Labor?  Add a few more pregnancies, and the third surgery, well that is where the nightmare begins.

My first Section went perfectly and effortlessly! I felt awesome and I had the cutest little baby so what’s not to be happy about! Feeling triumphant I even remember laughing at the little cone head babies pictures online from the hospital website. I know, I was wrong for that, and my hubby ever so sarcastically pointed that out. don’t hate me I was hormonal.

The second time around, the doc left the decision up to me, so Naturally a second C-section it is! Why would I ever go into labor? Post surgery recovery was a little more intense that time around. The pain was more intense but I made it okay, and I have a pretty high pain tolerance so we managed. My mother in law kept feeling the need to remind me that I had major surgery and needed to rest. Laughing at her I  said ” I have two babies to take care of now, who has time for that?’

For the third time around, well this is where my nightmare truly begins.  For those of you that follow me, then I will not go back into the story of my son’s birth as you have seen that recently. For those that have not seen it, you can find it here. My nightmare began after his birth.

We were home all of two days when I began to notice an odor, and being the vain person I am all I could thing was that the doctor must do something about that, because smelling bad down there was not an option! It was horrible and all the while it never occurred to me that it could be my incision.

It was at my post op appointment where the nurse came in to remove the staples and immediately noticed the smell. Laughing I said, I know it’s so gross, we will need to get the doc to take care of that for me, and that’s when the look on her face suddenly changed. We went from laughing and joking to straight-faced and quiet in two seconds and she stepped out of the room to get the doctor.

Walking in with her serious face on Doctor V takes a look and tells me that she thinks it is infected and that there is likely to be a wound. The smell was coming from drainage at the incision site. They began to take out the staples and before Doctor V could say there it is, I could feel it! The warm rush of the fluid sliding down my body! Instantly I cried knowing that this was the beginning of a difficult recovery. thankfully still numb from the surgery, they cultured it and placed a new bandage on.

Talks of home health care and wound centers began with the possibility of antibiotics went on as I fought to keep my head spinning from the news. I just had a baby for crying out loud and your telling me I can’t drive, or well do anything! How are we supposed to deal with this!

What should have been the happiest days of my life quickly became a total nightmare! At my first wound center appointment the wound was deeper than they thought and I had to have a wound vac, which is essentially a vacuum that hangs on the outside of my body sucking the drainage from the inside out to speed the healing process. This is something I do for my patients, this is not something that happens to me, and yet here I was!

Three days a week I had to have this dressing changed out by nurses I know and a physician I respected! they were nothing short of amazing, but having my vagina out and open for them is not my idea of a good time! Especially as they ripped the dressing that was stuck to my growing pubic hair that they were now ripping out one by one! Yeah you can thank me later for that visual!

For almost over two months I wore this vacuum having to remember to keep it charged and un plug it at night when it was time to feed the baby.  Depressed and scared mush of those days felt like being on autopilot! Just going through the motions and trying to make the best of the situation.

My husband and I were talking the other day, which in turn inspired this post! We do not have any video from when Little man was so small! So much was going on back then, that we honestly didn’t even think of it! I hate that we do not have those moments recorded, and while I have a lot of photos, I will never hear those giggles or that sweet cry. If I could go back I would have never scheduled that second Cesarian! I would have tried it the way god intended for us to have babies. If you are pregnant and thinking of a C -section then I urge you to rethink that decision! I will never know what labor feels like, or what it feels like to push your baby out, and I feel robbed of that experience.  now. Hindsight is 20/20 and knowing now what I know I would have done it all over again! What about you? What are your thoughts on Scheduled C-sections?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y