Posted in mommyhood, Uncategorized

I see you

Oh my baby girl… I know life has been hard. Long gone are the days of the vision I had in my head of what a happy, child looked like. At the age of ten you experience the type of pain and suffering no child should feel. The kind where your mind plays tricks on you, where the world is a scary place, but not as scary as the thoughts that play out in your mind. I want you to know something. Your think your invisible, but you are not. I see. you..

I see the stress, the anxiety and guilt for being different on your face. I see the lines of worry that something bad will happen. I see you trying to be perfect and falling short every time. I see how hard you work to make others like you and seem “normal” amongst your peers. I see your longing to be popular and care free. I see you..

Guess what else I see? I see your amazing intellect and power to lead others. I see your amazingly extraordinary imagination, and creativity. I see the love and adoration you have for your siblings, when others aren’t looking of course. I see you..

I see the compassion you have for animals, and how they adore and love you back. I see the artistry you have and one day you will have a painting or sketch in a museum. I see how, with all the cares in the world, you seem to not care what others think when you wear your wolf ears to school. I see how you wear those wolf ears, to shield yourself with the armor of a superhero. I see you..

I know you wish you were different. I know you wish the anxiety and depression would just go away. Baby so do i. As I held your face with tears in your eyes and mine, I told you.. you are perfect God made you this way and he doesn’t make mistakes..  Honey, you ARE perfect and God does not make mistakes! You will be and are  an amazing leader, person and daughter! We will walk through these trials, and we will learn to deal with the challenges thrown our way. You may feel invisible, but honey I see you! 20181104_134337.jpg

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Posted in mommyhood

Hello There.. It’s been awhile!

It’s been so long, I don’t even know where to start. I never planned on taking a blogging hiatus, and yet… here I am, writing for the first time in ages. The truth is, I am not even sure what led me back here in the first place. Life has been crazy hectic and I guess I just lost the thing I did for me. Maybe I am searching for this time again, maybe I need the therapy that writing provides, and just maybe I miss all of my bloggy friends who may or may not still be out there. Maybe.. It is a little of all of the above.

This blog started because I was losing myself. I needed a release on everything I was feeling. I needed to hear from other’s that they were going through the same thing. I guess, I stopped needing that for a while. I don’t know. I’m not even sure if I am any good anymore. Yeah.. I’m whining a little and a little rusty. Keep scrolling if you don’t want to read, I’ll understand!

School starts on Monday, and I just cannot believe it! Where has the Summer gone? I will tell you, dedicated to my Master’s degree that’s where! Graduate school has sucked big time this Summer, and the only good thing I can say, is I passed and with A’s in both classes! I have never spent so much time on writing research papers ever!

This year we have a 5th grader, 3rd grader, and kindergartener! I mean.. I’m trying just typing this! Monday is going to be a mess, and this momma is going to be crying the big ugly cry tears after school drop off! Never gets easier, ever! How is it I have three school aged children? Time needs to slow down a little please.

We met the teachers on Thursay and the Kindergartner is blessed with the same teacher the oldest had when she started Kindergarten. We prayed and hoped he he would get her and he did! She is such a special teacher, and we are so thankful! The oldest seems to have a great teacher and i am really impressed! Now, the 3rd grader, jury is still out on that teacher. Time will tell i guess.

The truth is, we are blessed she is going to the third grade and evey year is a struggle. The more years we are in the public school system, the more i learn how ill equipped the school system is to handle kids who have ADHD or any other disability. These standardized curricuum and ways of learning are not the best for every kid. Last year, it wasn’t until January we decided to get her a tutor that truly made a difference.The medicatins help and has done wonders for her, but she still needs a creative learning environment. My prayer this year, is that we have teachers who will teach each of our children to his or her individual needs and create a fun, and safe learning environment. We have been blessed with some awesome teachers, and hope we have just as awesome teachers this year!

Okay, that’s all i have for now! Maybe i will write again and turn this back into a routine!

 

Posted in mommyhood

Back to school….

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I am writing this post a couple of weeks late, but hey better late than never. The truth is, this is the only time that I have  to blog or event think about blogging.  Back to school, means back to school germs!! UGGH, YES!! I am sitting next to my sleeping four-year old just one day after starting pre-K with a fever and sore throat and since I can’t move because he has the senses of Spider-Man and the moves of  a ninja, I figured what the heck.. Anyways.. I digress.

Back to school always brings a bag full of mixed emotions for me. My oldest loves school and the routine it gives her, so for that I love going back to school. Now, for my 7yo, that’s another story. For her, it means constant struggles , constant teacher communication and constant fear that this may be the year that she is held back.

Last year in the first grade we received her ADHD diagnosis! Most would think yes, we finally have answers as to while she is struggling, and for part of me that was true. The other part, felt and still feels like the road will forever be long and we will have to constantly fight for her. And we will. We will fight for her, all day every day!

We were blessed with an incredible teacher last year who truly spent as much one on one time with her as possible. She and I texted almost every day about her progress and she went far beyond my expectations on helping our sweet 7yo move along and progress. While, that was wonderful I couldn’t and still can’t help but wonder about this upcoming year. Will her teacher be just as wonderful? Will we have to fight tooth and nail to get her any accommodations that she may need? I don’t know yet.

ADHD kids are supposed to get a 504 plan  to help for accommodations, but due to the fact that she may need an IEP, the school counsellor wanted to wait. This is something that I have had to fight for, and will most likely have to address soon. See, in order to ensure that she gets the accommodations that she may need guaranteed, you must have one of these. These can and should inlcude sitting in the front of the class to avoid distractions. allowing extra time to complete tests etc.

I worry constantly. I worry that her teacher will not be as awesome as last year’s. I worry that this kind of teacher is rare, and i have been set up for untealistic expectations. I worry about it all.

The medication has helped her quite a bit, and i think we are at a good dose now. While the medication is great for her in class, it has long worn off by the time she gets home from school. Which means homework is a battle.  A long, long battle of trying to get her to focus on the task at hand and stop noticing the lint on the floor that can barely be seen by the naked eye. That is, except her hyperaware little eyes that is.  Some nights are tolerable and some leaving me shaking and crying in the closet. It is life, life with an ADHD kid that is….

All these concerns circle my brain and the only thing i can do is pray. Pray that this year will be a little better. Pray that she has an engaged, and caring teacher. Pray for God’s perfect timing. Just Pray….

What tips/tricks/suggestions do you have for a mom new to this diagnosis that can help?

 

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

We are moving on to Second grade!!!

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I was sitting at a coworkers desk when my phone vibrated. Looking down at the message, tears immediately slid from my eyes to my cheeks.  Images from this past year flashed through my mind. The first day of school, all of the struggles with homework, all of the frustration, realizing she needed an evaluation for ADHD, getting those results, and the decision to medicate. All of it down to her sheer determination to drown out all of the distraction in her mind, even before we had her ADHD diagnosis. It all flashed through my eyes and I cried.

The message was simple. Her teacher had texted me one line. She has passed the DRA 14!!! This is what we were waiting for! She needed to be able to focus enough on this one standardized reading level to pass the first grade! To make matters even more emotional, this was three weeks before the last day of school. Leave it to my child to pull it off at the last-minute! She’s passing, she was passing!!!! I had honestly resigned myself to the expectation that we would repeat the first grade despite how well she did in the other subjects in school. Her teacher was right, she knew how to read all along, she just needed help drowning out all the distractions!

It has been a whirlwind of a year, with a whirlwind of emotions to go with it. There has been frustration, tears, laughter, determination, anger at the school system for these standardized tests, hope, and fear. We have experienced them all. There has been weekly conversations with teachers, quarterly meetings with guidance counselors and visits to the pediatrician for month-long testing.

I am thankful for the path God has put us on. I am thankful for her teachers. She had two this year, and while the first one was not my favorite, she was the one mini me needed at the time. She not so subtly hinted that she felt mini me, had problems focusing possible had ADHD. In my mind, ADHD kids were always hyper, which she is not. Then, over the Christmas holidays, her first teacher retired and we got Ms. R.  Ms. R has been a blessing beyond blessings. She has worked with mini me one on one, dealt with my constant text messages and checking on her, and took the time to get creative with mini me, so that she could learn in the way that was best for her. She really went above and beyond for our little girl!

I am thankful for our pediatrician who also specializes in ADHD and put her through a month of testing before diagnosing her with ADHD. I have seen so many physicians just slap the ADHD label on kids with only a screening, and not performing certain tests. He really looked at the whole picture with my daughter, and i couldn’t more thankful for that! I am so thankful, for a pediatrician who asked the parents how we wanted to treat her symptoms. The decision to medicate was not an easy one, but it seems to be the right course for her.

I am thankful for my daughter, who despite all odds never gave up on herself and always tried. Even when everything in the world tried to distract her, she tried.  I have seen a change in her these last couple of months. She has been smiling more, and seems more confident. Before, I could see anxiety in her eyes when it became time to read. My baby girl, i am so unbelievable proud of you! You have had to work harder than a lot of kids this year and even if things didn’t work out the way we had wanted, i still would have been very proud of you!!!!

Now as the summer months begin and the last day of school has occurred, a whole new set of emotions occur! I have a fourth grader, a second grader, and a preschooler! All three in school. I just can’t even deal!

Posted in mommyhood

I am THAT Mom!

Yes, I am THAT mom! The one wearing the soccer mom hat, shamelessly cheering her kids on at the soccer game. The one who took over 400 photos at the soccer game. Yes… I am THAT mom!

I posted the above photo to my Facebook page  realizing that I had in fact become THAT mom! The one we made fun of as we began to start our families. You know, the ones we swore that we would never become. I would be a cool mom, at least that’s what I thought.

The truth is.. I am THAT mom. The one who drives a mini van piled high with toys and sports gear and can’t even begin to remember what it was like to drive a four door sedan. I mean, who does that?

I am THAT mom. The one who meddles when her child gets assigned to an awful soccer coach and emails the sportsplex to have her changed to another coach. Why  yes, I did that. I am THAT mom!

I am THAT mom. The one who calls her 7yo’s teacher almost daily to get a progress report. The one, who reads nightly and makes her read out loud nightly because she’s struggling. I am that mom!

I am the one whose kids enjoy the drive through a little too much. WE are busy, and its easy sometimes. I am that mom!

I am THAT mom! I am the one who sits with her kids during sunday school, because it was the only way to get them to children’s church. You know what? It worked! I am THAT MOM!

I am the mom who cries every year on the first day of school! It doesn’t matter how many years we have been doing this, I am  THAT mom!

I am the mom who asks too many questions about her kid’s school day, because I need to know. I am THAT mom!

I am the mom who will let her kids argue a little too long, just to see if they can resolve it on their own. Perhaps I let those go on way too long. I am THAT mom.

I am the mom who forgot to leave the tooth fairy money under the pillow, and had to do a triple twirl gymnastic move to get it under the pillow while her kid was stretching , praying the whole time she didn’t see you just slide five dollars under the pillow. I am THAT mom.

I am a helicopter  mom, a free range mom, a working mom.  I am a super strict mom, and little too relaxed mom, sometimes a Pinterest mom, and embarrassing mom, a sharing too much mom. I am all of them. I am THAT mom. Shout out to all the  mommies with all the personalities and all the labels. May we wear them all well 🙂

 

Posted in Baby Daddy

Date night and people watching

We did it! We finally made it out to an actual date night. For those of you who are close to us, then you know that there were several attempts at a date night in which we never made it. The most recent fiasco was when the 9yo had an ear infection.

WE never went out to dinner for our anniversary last month, so the husband  arranged for childcare for us to enjoy a kid free dinner. There has been several discussion at work about this new restaurant downtown, so we thought let’s give it a try. Why not?

It’s a trendy southern style restaurant with a twist. They serve the most unbelievable combinations that work! The food was good, and it was nice for us to have some alone time to talk. WE haven’t done much of that lately. It’s just between our busy schedules and spending half the night trying to get the kids to sleep leave little time to talk to your spouse.

What struck me at this restaurant, , was the amount of people watching I could do. This place is a dream for anyone who likes to people watch. What struck me as even more odd, was how old I felt. When you sit there and count how many men are wearing man buns ( both restaurant employees and customers alike), then you can consider yourself old. Old, married and with kids that is. This restaurant catered to either the young and hip, or the older and incredibly wealthy. Oh, how you could see all these rich people in this restaurant. it was quite interesting actually.

Sitting right next to us, was the ” I am rich and I want you to notice me crowd.” This was actually a family, two older parents and their son who looked to be mid twenties. They spent the night actually talking about money and real estate. Yeah, they were quite boring. Then across from us, was the obviously wealthy but very down to earth couple. I have an aunt and uncle like that. They clearly have tons of money, but are some of the most kindest and down to earth people I have ever met. At the bar, was a young girl with a slightly older man. He had a man bun, and she kept grabbing his ass. I am pretty sure her mom was at the bar with them. it was an odd situation. One minute they were all make outey and the next she was talking to her mom ( could be sister) and he was chugging a glass of wine faster than life itself.

As I said before, the food was decent, nice atmosphere, but us old married couples with three kids, well… we would be fine with chick fil a.  We actually had a great time, and the people watching was fun. Do you do that? Just sit back and watch how others interact with each other? In case you were wondering, we seen at least six man buns 😉

 

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Chocolate bannana cake with bananna gelato. Yes please!!!

 

Posted in acceptance

I am Second

I was driving home from work today thinking about the past few weeks events. If you have read this post, then you know it has been a stressful and challenging week.  While sitting at a red light, I read the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. Three simple yet powerful  words that caught my eye. I am second.

It’s incredible how something so random and simple can sucker punch in the gut as if to rock you to your core. I am second. I have spent the past few weeks complaining about how hard my life is, how tired I am, and how alone I feel at times.  Now I realize how many times I say “I” in a week, day or hour even.

The truth is, I am not first. I am second. Without knowing where these words were coming from, I somehow knew. We are second to God.  I am second to God. So I should stop complaining about life right now and just spend more time talking to him.  So, now instead of listing my complaints about life, I am going to list my blessings from the week.

  1. Spending the day at the beach and seeing Mini – Me smile with that contagious sun shiny smile of hers
  2. Watching 9yo play soccer
  3. 4yo’s cute little bed head when he wakes up in the morning
  4. A job that allows me to be home normal work week hours
  5. our new church home
  6. The wonderful teachers God has put in our path
  7. Quiet time for reflection
  8. Coworkers who make me laugh despite the horrid week we have had
  9. Potential job opportunities ( I am praying hard to make the right decision on that one)
  10. Teaching our children to pray
  11. Fairy Garden’s ( we haven’t killed the flowers yet)

What are your blessings this week?