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And we have a Computer

Oh, if you were to ask me where I have been lately, I would say at home.. doing nothing. Why, because I spilled water on my frigid computer about a month ago, and just now got a new one. I mean what is a blogger without a computer? Am I right! So, Yay!! I am working on setting up this new computer so decided to drop by and say that yes I am still alive, and yes I will be posting again soon! Thank goodness!

 

Posted in mommyhood

When you receive that letter

I’m sitting at the dining room table, opening backpacks and taking out important messages from binders, when I see the envelope which reads “to the parents of…” written on top. Unfortunately, we have seen this letter before and I know exactly what it is. It is a letter to discuss 7yo’s progress in school and the possibility of retention. We have been here before.

In Kindergarten, she wasn’t learning to read at the rate the school expects. When I say school, I mean the entire state system. I know the school has their hands tied to an extent with these stupid standardized tests and ridiculous high standards placed on these kids today. Anyway, I digress. While, we made through kindergarten, I am honesty unsure of how this year will go.

It’s a struggle. Every night, it’s a struggle to complete homework which honestly can take hours to get her to complete. I spent nearly thirty minutes trying to get her to write the word SEA the other night. By the time we finished the one assignment i was too tired to make her practice spelling words.

She can’t focus. During those thirty minutes of trying to get her to write the word SEA, she was pulling at her eraser, becoming distracted by paper on the floor, saying i have to show you something. It’s not that she is particularly hyperactive, but she can’t focus.

I will be honest, i am trying to give this one to GOD but it is hard. Dang, hard to trust that this is going to be okay. Yet, it just has to. We have an initial screening appointment with the pediatrician next week for ADD testing. Part of me is so ready to get this process over with as mother’s intuition tells me and has been telling me that this is what we are dealing with. Part of me doesn’t want her to have that label. I know there are plenty of kids who have this condition and do very well with medication and therapy but the thought overwhelms me a little. Part of me is worried something else is going on.

So as i sit here, signing this paper saying that i will most definitely appear at the meeting to discuss my childs progress, i am relieved, exhausted, angry and anxious all at the same time. i wanted this meeting months ago, before there was a possibility of retention. Before, her grades were so bad that NOW we have to do something to help her. I HAVE been doing stuff to help. We have tried getting creative with writing spelling words. I paid $400 dollars over the summer for a reading program to keep her afloat and will most like pay the same amount this Summer if it continues to be helpful. We are very hands on parents, so now i want to know what the school is going to do to help her.

I’m sitting here angry because I can see the anxiety in her with possible signs of depression because she is dang smart and knows that she is falling behind. She knows without anyone saying a word to her that she is struggling. She is internalizing these feelings and refuses to talk about it. She’s only seven and i can see she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. We encourage her for getting the answers right and never punish for making poor grades, but she knows. Like i said, she is smart. She just needs some help right now.

She has a new teacher as the teacher she started with this year retired over the Christmas break. She seems to be very patient, but i am afraid she is going to become frustrated with her quickly. Heck, i become frustrated with her. It takes her a long time to complete tasks. She received two marks last week for not using time wisely and staying on task. Can they take marks off , if the child truly can’t help it? 7yo actually got a B on her spelling test, which i was super proud of but made a D on her other test  for that week. The teacher wrote a not explaining that she gave her the test back three times, and she didn’t change her answers. She was trying to giver her a chance. The exclamation point at the end of her note tells me that she was a little frustrated with her.

As i sit here typing all of this tears are filling my eyes. Isn’t that what we do as mothers? Worry into oblivion? I am planning on looking up bible verses on worry to make a relaxation book for the oldest, Perhaps i should look them up for me too. Like i said, i am struggling to give this one to God. Right now, I’m just trying to breathe. Please, lord help me to let go of the things i cannot change.

Please help me to give this one to you, as I am struggling with feelings of anxiousness, worry and doubt.

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

Let their imagination’s run wild

You have to love websites like Pinterest, where you can search different crafts and DIY’s. I know I do. I pin to my heart’s content, and rarely make anything that I pin. Mostly because of time , but also because who wants to spend 40 dollars on craft supplies for one project?

Now don’t get me wrong here, I love Pinterest and envy anyone who creates such stunning craftery. Is that a word? I love crafting with the kids, we just don’t make crafts on a constant basis. They love to draw and color, write stories. They get to be creative on their own, instead of me directing their creative little minds. oh, how I love their creative little minds.

This morning started like any other, I grabbed my coffee and put on a show for the kiddos. After a few minutes, I noticed how quiet the kids were being, and that is always cause for concern. If I’m being honest, I enjoyed the quiet for a little too long before I checked on them. When I did check on them. they were actually getting along and entertaining themselves! mark this day in history people!

I had put on the show creative galaxy for them, and they said they were inspired. Let me tell you those little cuties were making rocket ships out of water bottle and robots out of supplies found in the pantry. The pantry people! They were the cutest little robots and rocket ships I have ever seen, but I am a little biased.

While it is fun to create pinworthy projects, kids don’t neccessarily need that to spark creativitiy. They can imagine, and create things from around the house. i also do not have to be the one to entertain them constantly as they can entertain themselves which i think is a valuable lesson to them later on in life. Now, before anyone thinks i do not play with my kids, i do. We play plenty. I just do not feel the need to entertain them constantly.

Let kid’s imagination run wild, and something beautiful may happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

Because sometimes kids are embarrassing

You know us parenting bloggers like to share funny things our kids do or say. Sometimes we share a weekly things my kid said post. You wanna know a secret? Sometimes my kids do stuff that embarrass the crap out of me! I know.. I know.. I should be the one embarrassing them! So without further ado, I give you the things my kids did to embarrass me this week!

Setting: Physician waiting room full of people

4yo grabs hold of my boob and continues to sit there and hold it. Seriously, this kid was never even breast-fed, He has no claim to that body part! the more i tried to move his hand away without making a scene, the more he laughed and kept trying to hold my boob! Naturally i blame his father for his boob obsession.

Setting: Michaels craft store

9yo- EEWWW! What is that smell?

7yo-oh right! I had gas! ( stating this as loud as she can)

9yo- Gross! Mama! she farted!!! ( again yelling at the top of her lungs as I could not hear or smell the situation at hand!)

Sigh, I guess  i will just have to take pleasure in the knowledge that i will get to pay them back for all these embarrassing moments one day! What has your child done to embarrass you lately?

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

Even when they hate us, they need us

 

I hate my life! she yelled as we were trying to get through our bedtime routine. There was a loud thunderstorm happening outside and she wanted me to sit in her bed and read to her.  The 7yo was being clingy so I sat with her attached to my hip while reading  our nightly bedtime story of Eloise. It became clear that this was not good enough for the 9yo who was completely melting down before my eyes ; her words slapping me in the face as she ranted like a bratty teenager.  I wish I could tell you I was patient and said all the right things to her. Instead, I yelled. told her to stop screaming and calm down. I am pretty sure that is the worst thing you can say to a child with anxiety.  I wish I had tried to get her to look at the horse picture her counselor gave to us to use as a focal point for relaxation. Instead, I became increasingly frustrated.  Instead she yelled “I hate my life, you are making this day horrible!” It hurts when your child says such things to you, so after yelling and making it worse I sat there and ignored her. Let her rant, because what else could I do with a frightened seven year old, who is also battling a form of anxiety.

Once the 7yo was finally asleep and the storm was calm I did the only thing I knew to do.  I got in bed and lied down net to nine year old who was still wide awake in all of her anxious glory. She must have decided that her life wasn’t all that bad because  we spent the next hour talking. We talked about school, friendship troubles and Soccer. Part of me thinks she was having a little anxiety about starting back school in addition to the thunderstorm. WE laughed, and we talked and just like that, the frustration seemed foolish. I wish I had the patience to handle the situation better in the beginning.

At nine years old and such a wise sole, I forget that she is still just a child. In some ways so mature for her age and some ways so childlike. Add a little OCD tendencies and anxiety to the mix and sometimes I just don’t know what to do. I feel ill prepared to parent a child with anxiety. My inpatient nature gets the best of me. The truth is, she just needed me every bit as much as 7yo needed me.

They need us. Even when they are yelling how much they hate their life, they need us. Even when their words hurt and pierce us to our soul, they need us.  They need us to be strong and to somehow hold it together. To protect them from all of life’s overwhelmingly terrifying events. When we fall, they will forgive us. Their love is so pure and unconditional and all they really need us to give them is us. There will be times when we fail and times when we hit the nail on the head. One thing is for sure, they will always love us.

What challenges have  you had in parenting this week?wpid-2015-07-17_23.01.55.jpg

 

Posted in mommyhood

Bring them to Church

Today I sat at the dining room table live streaming the sermon from church. We have recently started attending church and due to the late night New Year’s eve partying (not quite to midnight but still stayed awake till 10pm, Ha!),  we decided to let the kids continue sleeping.

As the pastor was speaking, I swear it was as if he was talking directly to me. He was talking about raising children and spending time praying with them, choosing godly friends for them and setting the example for faithfulness.

I am embarrassed to admit that attending church is something new to our family. It is not as if we didn’t believe B.C. (before children) or anything. We just simply stopped being intentional in our faith. Life became chaotic and before we could realize, our faith and God was put on the back burner.

Today’s sermon reminded me of our first day at church. It’s the church my sister-in-law and her husband attend, so we decided to give it a try. unfortunately we kind of sprung it on the kids, so they were a little apprehensive.

First we took the older kids to sunday school, where we registered them and me and the hubby had to get fingerprints scanned and our pictures taken. I have to say I was quite impressed. Too Bad the kids were not as impressed. When it came time to take their photos tears came streaming down as if we had told them they were getting the flu vaccine. The people who worked there were really nice but my poor kids were just not going to cooperate. We toured, then we politely said maybe next time.

If that wasn’t enough, it was time to walk the 4yo to his preschool class. Silly me thought it would be easier for him since his cousin would be in the same class. That would be a big fat no on the easy front. He screamed and the teacher had to quite literally peel him off of me. Her words were ” just let me take him and run momma!” so that I did.

After what felt like a lifetime, we finally made it to the service. Arriving to church early and now late for the service thanks to the fiasco of trying to get the kids into class. We had sat down for all of five minutes when the oldest stated she was bored. So back to Sunday school we went!

It was right after I dropped the oldest to class and made it back downstairs that I received the text. 4yo is still upset and completely inconsolable. What? my son? So I turned my butt around the corner to the preschool and sure enough, they had pulled my son out of the classroom in an attempt to calm him down with one on one attention, but no. He was still crying inconsolably. The only thing I could do was grab that sweet boy and head back to church. Did I mention we were sitting in the very back row at the top of the stairs? Yep, I had to carry my 4yo all the way back up those steps in heels. Whew! Now with the 4yo in my lap I could get my church on!

The truth is I was anxious. I really didn’t pay that much attention that first day, because all the chaos stressed me out. Part of me wondered if this would all be worth it. Is stressing myself and my kids out worth going through this every Sunday? I wasn’t really sure. But  then I began reading a bible study called Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood. That’s when I began to understand.

I was reading Day four of the first week in the study, when it began talking about bringing our children to God. The author shares an experience a friend had with her children not being welcome in the adult church and explains that it really isn’t a church you would want to attend then. What I learned was, that God wants us to continue to try to show up even when it’s hard. Even when its stressful, we should still try. So we did. My kids sit with me and my husband in the adult services bored, and flopping all over those church pews but they sit quietly and we show up. I hope that one day my kids will feel comfortable attending the children’s services but how wonderful to attend a church that isn’t bothered with children in the service. My parents always sent us to church on a bus and never attended with us so I like that we do this as a family. What a blessing.

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. he said to them ” Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. – Mark 10:13-14,16.

 

 

 

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The Heart of our Family — mamacravings

Sharing for a fellow blogger who needs our help.

Please pray for Casi. https://www.gofundme.com/the-heart-of-our-family

via The Heart of our Family — mamacravings