Bye Bye Tonsils

Dear Buddy,

Thursday we sad Good-Bye to your tonsils. Your tonsils were very large and you had a condition known as obstructive sleep apnea. This condition caused you to stop breathing in your sleep. Scary, i know. I am amazed at how well you handled going in to surgery. I explained to you what was going to happen in words you could understand and you were fine with it. The nurses fawned all over you which of course you loved, and you even got to wear what you called emoji socks. The nurse thought that was too cute. I explained that your sisters have somewhat of an emoji obsession so you knew the term very well.

When the nurse asked if you wanted to ride in the wagon to the OR, you didn’t hesitate to jump in. I felt equally relieved and fearful of your braveness and courage. Part of my heart left with you as you went into surgery. You see, I am always with you. Always.

Once i sat back down in the waiting room i prayed for the doctors and nurses to have a healing hand and for a perfect surgery. There is always a risk with surgery and no one knows that better than your mom. Being a nurse is a blessing and a curse, because i always  know how to make  you feel better but i always know th worst case scenario.

What was roughly an hour, felt like eternity when the doctor came out and said you did great! He said that your tonsils had filled your entire air space and you should be able to breathe better almost immediately. We knew those suckers were big, but just didn’t know how big.

You were still sleeping when i arrived to recovery. Tears came to my eyes as i laid eyes on you. It’s one thing for someone to tell you your little boy is okay, but it is another story for you to see it for your own eyes. You had a wonderful nurse who took such good care of you. She was my favorite by far. I will always be grateful for her moment in your life.  You woke up from anesthesia peacefully and we immediately gave you a popsicle, which you loved. You ate  three orange popsicles just in the recovery unit alone.

Because of your age, we had to stay overnight in the hospital which you were not so understanding about. Every few minutes you would look at me and say “I’m done, I want out.” I remember thinking you must feel like you are in jail or something.

Do you remember peeing on me while I gave you pain medicine that night? Oh yeah, you didn’t like the pain medicine and made sure i knew it too. That poor nurse had to wash mommy’s clothes including my underwear because it was all I had with me at the time.

Thankfully the doctor came early the next morning and let us go home. You have done pretty well, but i am thankful you will never remember the pain. If anything i hope you remember all the cuddles we have shared. The other night, we were cuddling and i told you how sorry i was that you were in pain and felt so bad, your response melted my heart and suddenly i could hang on just  a little longer. You rubbed your hand on my cheek and said “It’s okay mommy, I love you!”  Even when you are stressed, in pain and exhausted, you are still the sweetest little boy. I hope you never lose that trait. Know that no matter what, I always love you too, and my heart is always with you.

Love,

Mom

 

 

 

 

Conversations with Kids

Kids say some of the funniest and cutest things. I often forget to share them, so today I will share some recent conversations with my kids

#1-putting the girls to bed

Me- I got bit by something

8y0- fire ants hurt, there needs to be an ant that doesn’t harm you

6yo- I got bit by fire ants once

me- yep, those things hurt

8yo- I know! Sugar ants don’t harm you! They just like sugar

6yo-yeah

8yo- But you have to  watch out, because if there is sweets in your house, then the ants will run off with all your sweets!

6yo- Oh no! We have ice cream in the house!

me- laughing really hard!!!

#2 while in Target one day

6yo- yuck! Who farted, that is so poopy!

3yo- oh no! it was mommy!!

6yo- ( at the top of her lungs) Mommy farted! That is so yucky..

me- plotting revenge ( there was no fating, and if you don’t see my children for a while it’s because practical jokes have to come back and haunt ya, lol!)

#3- At home

3yo-( excited over spiderman underwear) I am going to show D my new spiderman underwear!

Me- we do not show people our underwear

3yo – okay, I will just tell him about it!

#4-At home

me- (checking my son’s lymph nodes for swellings)

3yo- why are you doing that?

me- because I am a nurse, so I need to check them when you are sick.

3yo- You are not a nurse!

me- then what am I?

3yo- uhhh a MOMMY!!!

me- then where do I go to work each day?

3yo- at your best friends house!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never giving up

Sleep deprived, no make up, and hair a hot mess. With all three kids in tow, I somehow managed to get mini me to her first summer reading class today. She was a little shy, and toting a sick kid along didn’t help. It would have been easy to sleep in, and forget about class, but we didn’t. We went to our first Summer reading course geared towards those entering first grade.

The point is, I made a commitment to her. For those of you that have followed my blog, then you know that mini me has had trouble with reading and almost didn’t pass Kindergarten. I was thrilled when I found a summer reading program that could help her get ahead of first grade. What I was not thrilled was the price tag, but I refuse to let her get left behind. I read an incredible article that was title too small to fail. We must invest in these little beings to the best of our ability because they are too small to fail. Her future is worth all the effort and energy it takes to get her there. She is too small to fail.

Entry level jobs are requiring more and more advanced degrees. Even the job I currently hold, wants a higher level degree. One that I am working on, but wish I had started much earlier in my nursing career.

She may never understand or appreciate how much we gave to her education. The long nights of crying through homework ( her tears and mine), forcing her to read aloud even when she didn’t want to, all the hours spent on Pinterest learning creative ways to teach her, and money spent to get her help, because sometimes an outside influence is better. I will know, and one day when she asks why I pushed so hard and kept going even when it was clear even I wanted to give up, I will tell her. It’s because her future meant more to me than anything in the world, and in a time when she was too young to realize it, she was too small to fail.

To ERR is Human..even in motherhood

to err

Just like that, in the blink of an eye it happened. I lost sight of my son. We were at a park, and I lost him in my line of vision. those next thirty seconds felt like an eternity with only the sound of my heart pounding in my ear. The world was still, until I found him. Playing happily. He was okay.

When he was a little over one years old,  would wait until the last minute to wake buddy up in the mornings to leave for work. Every day was the same routine, get dressed, get the girls dressed, load the car , wake buddy up, get buddy dressed, and leave for work. He woke up a little too early one morning. I sat him on the couch and proceeded to load up the car. Once I entered the house, I found my spunky little man trying to fly off the couch like Superman. Running to him, I literally caught him mid air. He could have hurt himself.

We were at the farmer’s market, when mini me got shuffled in the mix. It was me and three children. I wanted to teach the kids about fresh fruit and vegetables from the farm. I wasn’t prepared for how many people would be there. I was pushing the stroller with the oldest holding onto it, and mini me holding her hand. She let go, and got behind. it wasn’t but for a second, but it scared me. Deciding, that this particular situation was too much for me to handle, we have not been back to the market since.

It happens, we get distracted. We are not designed to be perfect and often the standards of perfection we hold ourselves to, destroy us from within. There is a saying in healthcare that to err is human. A report written discussing the ease of human error and how we must focus on the causes of error to create a culture of safety for our patients. With patients lives literally in our hands, we give grace for human error. We do not overlook or minimize the error, but we give grace, get to the root cause and fix the failure modes that lead to the error.  Why do we not give mothers the same grace?

Was I negligent in those instances? Not on purpose. I am human, I have three children and sometimes as a mom, I can get distracted. Should people have cast stones at me for mere seconds? no. If my children had been hurt, is judging and bashing  justified? NO.

We should be offering grace, humanity and support to one another. Why do we judge, bash and berate one another on social media platforms? It is to the point, that I refuse to join any mommy blogger groups on most social media platforms. The comments and judgements are unbearable, and I pray the people they are lashing out at refuses to read them. No one needs that kind of noise in their heads. We are all doing the best we can, and yes we make mistakes. WE make a lot of them.

I challenge you to hold your tongue a little longer, offer a word of encouragement, and imagine yourself in the shoes of another. Community and support will make more progress than condemnation. It is when we work together, that we will  shape the future.

***I am in no way condoning pure and intentional negligence. I do believe that most mothers and fathers do not intend to neglect their children. I also   Realize this post might open myself up to negative comments and backlash,  I encourage you to share your own stories! Let’s show the community what support and transparency looks like.

 

 

 

 

The end of kindergarten

Dear mini me,

Just like that it happened. We had the last day of Kindergarten.  It feels like yesterday, I sent you off to school so tearfully. I am not sure where this year went, but I am sure of one thing. You showed me the value in sheer stubbornness and determination. This year has been tough, and you have struggled through school and homework an a daily basis. Reading has not come easy. It has been hard and stressful. They say you  can tell a lot about a persons character by how they handle stressful situations. My baby girl, you have showed more character and strength then most adults I know. Together we conquered fears, uncertainties and stress. Failure was not an option in either of our minds. You have worked hard and learned what was necessary to pass school. The most successful people are not always the smartest, but those who work the hardest. I think those that have to work harder for what they have, tend to appreciate what they have the most.

Kindergarten hasn’t al; been stressful, there has been a lot of fun too. You lost four teeth this year, and have another loose tooth waiting to come out. You were awarded student of the month for the whole school in the month of February. You gained a not so secret admirer who gave you a valentines present. Daddy, didn’t like this idea, but it was sweet. He gave you a stuffed Dalmatian puppy and a lunch box. You rode on the school bus to field trips and gained a new level of independence. I am so proud of you in more ways than one. Leaving Kindergarten is bittersweet, but I look forward to seeing what first grade brings.

Love,

Mom

 

If we were having cofee 5-1-16

caffe_latte

If we were having coffee, I would apologize for my absence lately. It has been over two months since my last blog post. I would say let’s sit and catch up.

I doubled up on my classes last semester and that is largely the reason I dropped off the blogosphere. Taking full time courses while working full time and childrearing full time. Well.. That’s a lot of full time gigs for one person and something had to go. Naturally it was the one thing that I do for myself. This here blog. I was barely meeting my deadlines and somehow managed to pull off an A in all four classes. Some people say it doesn’t matter as long as you pass, but for anyone who know me an A is the only grade that will do. I am on a two week break then it is back at it, but this time I am only taking two classes total. The classes are 8 week courses, so it will end up being only on class at a time. Graduation is in December and all this work will finally be worth it. I wish I had done this right after I graduated from nursing school, but here I am getting my bachelor’s twelve years later.

WE have been deep in the throes of childrearing at this house, and it has been quite stressful. The tantrums, fits and constant sibling fighting have had me want to run for the hills. A  little over a week ago , I texted a friend that I was ready to run away. A the time I was trying to get 6yo to go to bed while she was having a full on meltdown. We have had several of those lately, where she will not explain her feelings and just melt down for hours. Crying, screaming and mostly when she is tired or she just simply did’t get her way. She had her tear duct surgery on her eye, and we are hoping that it worked. So far, she has not had any drainage in the eye. Only time will tell.

The 3yo has wet the bed the last two nights. He is usually not a bed wetter and I think constipation is most likely the reason. However, I am glad that he wet the bed. Only because it was a reason for me to scoop him up ( after changing him of course) and let him rest with me for the past two nights. It gave me a chance to listen to him breathing at night and I don’t like what I hear. 3yo has always been a loud snorer, and he was too little to do anything about it. He has large tonsils, and most likely adenoids. I could never tell if he actually had problems breathing while sleeping, and now I can say yes he does. He des sleep apnea, so I will be getting him an ENT consult in the morning.

The 8yo Is doing good. She has more good days than bad, but there are still days where you can see the anxiety on her face. She  sat up the other night, and I could tell she was worrying about something. I tried to get her to open up, but she wouldn’t tell me what it is. As a parent, the worst feeling in the world is feeling helpless to your children. Her OCD and anxiety just cause her to shut down sometimes. Hopefully the counseling will help in time.

Work has been great and  I can honestly say that I love my job. Every now and then, things just work out the way they are supposed to be. Now if I can just finish school, all would be right🙂

Now that I have updated  you, I would ask about you. What’s new with you and yours?

 

Every Day Mom Link up 2-21-16

Evry day mom badge

It’s Sunday, which means  new  week of linking up at the Every Day mom link up! I almost didn’t post this week but thought better of it. An old coworker  posted on FB about an incident at a local pet store. There was a man approaching families with kids, and asking to take their pictures with the puppies. he didn’t work there and didn’t buy anything. When he approached her family, she told him no but he asked again. This time she firmly said no pictures and he moved on. It is scary to think of what that man is going to do with those pictures. The ones where the parents let him take of their kids.

This incident has left me wondering about my blog and the fact that I am no longer comfortable sharing pictures of my kids here. So, I have decided to continue with the blog , but no longer share pictures of my children. It at this point is what I am comfortable with.

So.. Now that story is over, let’s begin the Link up! Add your link by clicking the blue from below and let’s have some fun!