Posted in nursing - it's my job

In the eye of the Swine


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As  sure as I am standing here, I begin to feel a churning in my stomach. Like I am going to be sick, my insides want to come out. I don’t usually get sick to my stomach as I am a 40 something year old who  takes vitamins, works out and… oh yeah, it’s coming.  Lunch just came back  up.  Man, that cheeseburger didn’t taste so good coming out. Yuck! I must have some sort of stomach bug. A few hours later it begins on the other end! That is not a picture I am going to paint, but it’s brutal. This is not making for a great day, and it’s time to go home. It’s just a stomach bug, I will feel better in a bit. Let me just take some sips of Gatorade here and there, and I will be okay. I never get sick….

As I am resting in bed I start to cough. Well I guess I am just getting a cold.  I should go to sleep and rest. Everything will be better in the morning. Assuming  I can sleep long enough without having to go to the toilet. I am awaken to my arms and legs shivering. Wow, it’s cold, really cold. My body is shaking, and I can’t control it. What is happening?Boy, it is chilly in here. .. No!  I mean hot! It’s suddenly very HOT! Like really HOT! It couldn’t be a fever could it? No… Oh wait! yes the thermometer reads 102.1. UGGH!  I better call the boss, there will be no working today. First, let me get the Tylenol. My arms  and legs feel like jello. I’m not quite sure I can get out of bed. So weak… A dull ache, it’s all over my body. I have never felt like this before. oh it’s painful. This cold sucks! It’s the worst ever. I will just take some medication and it will help. I will be back to normal in no time!

The sun has set and I am feeling really puny, can’t lift my head up, can’t get out of bed, forget about eating and drinking.  It hurts. This nagging pain, isn’t  going  away. I can’t breathe. This is the weirdest feeling. I can’t breathe, help me please! Someone comes to my room. They are lifting me up. The room is spinning, and I can’t make out their faces.  A male voice is  talking, he says ” We are taking you to the hospital.”  I’m in a room, where someone walks in with a mask on, he says he is a doctor. The masked man starts talking about the flu. What, I can’t have the flu. I am healthy ,and healthy people don’t get the flu. Breathing is still difficult, I CAN’T BREATHE! please HELP ME! I CAN’T BREATH! Panic sets in. I don’t know what to do,  so I  begin to hit the nurses.  I can’t hear what they are saying. Please don’t let me die! The room turns black. Someone is telling me they are helping me. WAIT! Something doesn’t feel right. It feels like metal is being forced in my throat.This is wrong, so wrong. instinctively I reach to pull it out. It just feels so wrong. Someone is holding my hands down. The room turns completely black. I can’t see anything. Night, Night.

Something feels different here. I’m not sure how long it has been, and I can’t see anything.  Beeping, I hear Beeping.  An alarm sound  of some sort. Crying, there is crying. . mumbles of H1N1. ..Warm hands… I feel warm hands touching mine. I want to talk, to say something, but I can’t. The room is black again.

Sometime later I am awake. My hands are tied down. This thing is scratching my throat. A kind face appears and says ” We are going to take your tube out now.” She gently takes the object out, and Man is my throat sore. It’s hard to speak, tears are coming down my cheeks as I try to ask what happened, but my throat is too dry. The nurse, as if reading my thoughts proceeds to tell me that I was diagnosed with the H1N1 virus, and am lucky to be alive. Now there is a sight! My family with tears in their eyes, but smiling.  I am glad they are near. The physician begins to explain the virus, and how it is attacking  and killing young otherwise healthy adults in our region. I survived, and I am alive! I thought I was invincible, but I am not!

I just have one question for you. Which are you more afraid of? Receiving the Flu vaccine itself, or the  H1N1 virus that has proven to be deadly?


I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

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