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The Silent Cries




Driving alone with the radio turned off, the children at school, left alone with my thoughts. This is when it hits. A random moment. From childhood and on, this is where it hits.  His laugh, something funny he said. A memory of me dyeing his hair blond, it flashes. Silently I remember Him chasing my sister and I in the house, going to Disney world, watching his football games. In Silence I remember him. The definition of silence is the state of being forgotten. I disagree. Silence is when I remember him the most. I remember the day it happened like it was yesterday. I silently remember every detail down to what I had for lunch that day. I remember laying in bed getting ready to sleep when the call came. He had been shot! Again the Silence came. My sister was saying something but I could not hear her. The world became still, the world became silent. She didn’t have to say it, I could tell in her cries. I knew what was wrong and I had to get there. In a fog ,I drove myself to my family. with nothing but my thoughts and quiet cries.  Once I arrived my fears were confirmed. There were people saying something, but I could not hear. I could SEE! I could see the flashes  from the cameras of  the crime scene unit. The police cars everywhere. I could see the yellow tape that you only see in movies, and at this moment it felt like something out of a movie. Silently my intuition was confirmed. A gunshot wound to the chest had taken my brother’s life.  The victim of a random robbery. A life taken too soon.  But there he lied  in the street, Still, silent, unmoving. Over the last few years, Some have wondered if I grieved the loss. Silently I have, and sometimes still do.  At his funeral I was  strong, mostly emotionless.  I think my family needed that,But in my thoughts in my private quiet way I cried. Grieving for the little red, curly-haired little boy that we all loved. Grieving for the young man that he had become. The one that made us laugh, sometimes made us cry. He was a boy after all, and let’s face it all boys make you cry.  But in those moments when there is no music,television or crazy busy schedules silently I cry. The Dictionary has it wrong, because silently is when I remember the most.  My brother is silent and gone, but he is never forgotten, and still to this day, sometimes I silently cry.




I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

4 thoughts on “The Silent Cries

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