“It’s no mistake that you were chosen to be your kids mom” This quote taken from the movie Mom’s night out, instantly resonated with me. As I watched this movie, I couldn’t help but feel a kindred spirit in the main character. Besides the stay at home mommy part, because we all know I work. But we are both very similar in that we are much harder on ourselves than anyone could ever be on us. We believe that it is not good enough, that we are not good enough.
You see I am guilty. I am guilty of setting my self up for failure. I tend to set unrealistic expectations on myself as a mom in general. I set unrealistic expectations on holidays, birthdays, even The cleanliness of my home. Because let’s face it! With three kids it’s just never really going to be clean and sort of clean just has to do. I laughed as the kids drew on the walls, because hey my kids have done it more than once! I sympathised as she locked herself in the closet to watch t.v. and I only wish I had thought of it! I never think I am good enough.
I tend to think, well if only I didn’t work, or if only I were home more… But the truth is, that I am the perfect mom for my kids, and they are the perfect kids for me. God doesn’t make mistakes. He has chosen me to take care of them. Maybe my kids will see me working so hard and be proud of that. Maybe they will respect it, or maybe they will resent me. Only time will tell. But one thing is for sure. We are in this together. I will make mistakes, and so will my husband. But we are in this together. Perfection is not an option, because we are so perfectly imperfect.
My life is in a sense a beautiful disaster. My home is often messy, I tend to lose my patience quickly. I get stressed and sometimes I yell. Sometimes I come home from work and everyone is already asleep. The day that Miss Independent had her Thanksgiving play, she told her teacher that I had to work so I wasn’t coming. As the teacher told this to me, It felt like I had been punched in the gut! I thought surely my child would have known that I was coming! As hurt as I was, I did the only thing I could and reassured her that I wouldn’t miss this play or any other play for the world! I make myself available for the important stuff, and we make each day special in its own way. Just when I feel like running and screaming ” I can’t take it anymore.” Then something gets me and reels me back in! Some moment happens and brings me back to earth.
If you choose to pay attention, then these moments occur everyday. It’s the small ones, that get your attention, more so than the big ones. It’s in the sticky kisses that are courtesy of my son. It’s in the way my 6 y/o turns and always looks at me when she is walking to school. She will not give me a hug in front of her friends, but she always turns to see if I am watching. It’s in the way my 4 y/o runs to me when I get home from work and says “Mommy’s here!” and gives me a huge hug. It’s in her artwork as she draws a picture of her and mommy. In the way they sing and dance. It’s in the way he says momma, and gives me high fives. It’s in their laugh, because there is no sound sweeter than a childs laughter! It can brighten the world. I believe it could keep the country from having war. That is the power of a child’s laugh!
On this Mother’s day I reflect on my own experience in motherhood, which is still limited as all my children are so young. So you can take or leave the following advice that I am about to give to you. However here is my unsolicited advice on motherhood. If you are putting pressure on yourself because perfection is what you seek, then Don’t. If you feel that you are not good enough then you shouldn’t. If you work and have regret about not staying at home, then Don’t. I’m not saying that you will never again have a moment. A moment of stress, or a moment of pressuring yourself to do more. I’m just saying do not live your life that way. Keep those moments, just that. Keep it as a moment and do not let it define you. You are perfectly imperfect, and there is only one you! Children give us an unconditional love that beautiful and flawless. No matter the mistakes, They will always love , cherish and respect you because You are their mom and there was a reason that God chose you! you are a complete and utter Beautiful Disaster!
photo from pinaquote.com