I didn’t get to visit my mom on Mother’s day, so last night I took her on a night out. We had dinner and watched Heaven is for real! Her movie choice stunned me, as I didn’t think she would want to see this type of movie. For those of you that have followed me early on, then you might know why. My brother at the age of 23 was unexpectedly taken from us. To say this has been difficult for my mother would be an understatement. While in the car driving, she made a statement that just really stuck with me. She said I think it would have been easier if he had died younger. If he was a little boy and hadn’t grown up. I think it would have been easier to accept,
I can’t even begin to understand the loss of a child, nor do I want to. The mere thought of it brings tears to my eyes, and then I have to think of something else. It’s just too painful. But it leaves me to question, Is it really any easier to lose a child early on rather than later? Or is the loss of a child, the loss of a child no matter the age?
For me I would have to say The loss of a child is an unspeakable loss, no matter the age. No matter what age, they will always be taken too soon. There will always be something that wasn’t accomplished in his or her life. Whether it be getting married, having children in my brother’s case. Or it be never going to high school and graduating in those children’s who left this world at an early age.
I imagine that my mom thinking that if only she had lost him sooner… brings her some comfort. Like if she had to lose him, then if only he was younger, then I could have handled it. But the truth is, I can’t imagine. I can’t understand, I can’t possibly know. I’ll be quite honest in saying that I am glad that I can’t imagine, that I can’t understand, and that I can’t possible know. Parents aren’t supposed to out live their children. It’s not supposed to work that way. The pain is insufferable and like my mom, she is expected to move on, when the whole world has stopped in that moment. The moment she had received the call that he had been shot as a result of a robbery. The four-year anniversary of his death is in August, and even though it will be almost four years, She says she still feels like the call came yesterday.
I try to be understanding, but I also encourage her to move on. I am quite possible wrong in doing this, because the mere thought of that kind of pain, completely cripples me. So maybe I should just let her grieve, and when she is ready, then she will be able to move forward. It’s hard to see your parents in that kind of pain, with all of the memories that we have and all of the memories that we will never have again. It is a terrible pain, like no other.
For all of you parents who have lost a child, I am truly sorry for the loss you have experienced. I hope there is something that I could say to provide you comfort,and peace. But leading back to my mom’s statement in the car… Do you believe it would be easier to lose a child early on in life or a little later when they are older? Is it really easier either way?