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Learning to find myself

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I decided to participate in the Friday SOC prompt this week! Mostly because I have seen others do it and well it seems a lot of fun! We are to write about a topic that is chosen and let our writing skills run wild without editing  a word of it. It is in essence our stream of conscious, Our thoughts without censoring.

This week the topic is find. Hmm If I were to think about what this means to me currently it would be to find myself. I am on a Journey to find myself. At 33 years old you would think I have by now, but let me explain that to you,

I am a career focused mom of three who is struggling to find the balance between my four main job titles. First and foremost is the mom title! Learning to balance work and family life has proven to be more difficult than I ever could have imagined. Sometimes I do better than others and right now I am struggling to find that quality time with the kids. There have been frequent long hours at work and it’s making me feel like the worst mother in the world!

Second is to find myself as a wife. It is difficult to come home and play the wifey role after spending twelve hours caring for patients, my team members and then coming home to care for the kids. Once the kids are in bed I am just completely exhausted and finding time to spend with the husband has become more and more sparse,

Third is trying to find myself in my career. Attempting to balance work and children, while appearing to others that you are capable of doing both is quite the challenge. As a woman in a supervisor role, if you call out with sick kids then you are not committed or never show up to work. Someone is always talking crazy like that even thought they leave when the sun is still out and you, well you still have hours to go! it’s a double edge sword really to be a female boss lady! Equal rights and all is a great thing however the need to prove oneself is something that has sustained for hundreds of years,

And Lastly my role as a woman. How do I do all of that and still find time for myself! You know it is bad when you feel like grocery shopping is a vacation! Yep, I said it! Grocery shopping has become my luxury vacation spot of peace and quiet with no I want this or I need that’s. It’s just me, my list and pure Bliss!

They say a woman doesn’t find herself until she is in her thirties and I think they, whomever they are, well I think they are wrong to a point. Woman may spend their twenties figuring out their goals and the course of action to take. But it is in her thirties that a woman truly becomes more confused about who she is. A woman goes from single to married with kids and a job and suddenly we have to find out who we are all over again. There is a part of a woman, a very large part that disappears once she becomes a wife and mom. it take that time to go through the motions and I personally think it is in her forties that she has truly found herself!

Next time you think about finding something then I urge you to take a look at yourself long and hard. Ask just one question and see if you have an answer. Have you truly found yourself or are you just going through the motions!

 

p.s. i did not edit one single line! Which for me was super, super hard! Thanks for hosting LindagHill! http://lindaghill.com/2014/10/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-october-414/

 

 

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Author:

I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

8 thoughts on “Learning to find myself

  1. Fantastic post! Thank you so much for joining SoCS. 😀
    And you are so right – I have found myself, but it wasn’t until I allowed myself to follow my passion of writing somewhere in my forties that I did. As I stay-at-home single mom, I don’t know how you manage. True, two of my kids have special needs, but it seems you have far more to juggle. Best of luck with it all! 🙂

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