It think of her often but especially at Christmas time, It was her favorite holiday! It feels like yesterday that I was walking in her house. The outside lit up with all the lights, three metal lighted up reindeer’s in the front yard. Walking in the living room with the rose-colored wall paper and the smell of honey baked ham. Not being much of a cook she ordered one every year. Warmth and love hitting you as you walk in the door. A white Christmas tree about 5 ft. with royal blue ornaments hanging from each branch sitting in the living room. Then seeing the unsightly garbage bags full of presents underneath the tree.
This house was that of my grandmothers. It was my second home, my safe place while growing up. Children call their grandparents many different names. For me she was my Nanny. It was her nickname. She loved Christmas and despite being told it was unnecessary she would buy dozens of presents for each family member place them in garbage bags and put them under the tree. Just to explain the garbage bags to you.
I don’t remember a weekend of my childhood that I wasn’t at my nanny’s. We would rent movies and order pizza. She would talk during the whole movie while nodded politely as if I were listening. Sometimes we would stay up all night talking and sometimes we would sit and say nothing at all. I still remember the same pink quilt covered with little dolls in white dress and brown bonnets on their heads. It is the quilt that covered me every time I stayed the night and the one she gave me when I bought my first home. It sits on my bed as I type. One day I hope to pass it down to my first granddaughter.
Being there for me through every thing, I could always count on her. Even on prom night when my parents were out-of-town. I went to her house to show off my dress as she took pictures to put on her mantel. The night before my wedding I chose to stay at her house. Sure I could have stayed in a hotel or at my parent’s but it was her I wanted to be with. One last night while I was still single to stay at my Nanny’s. It would be little weird after I was married to still have slept over’s at my grandparents don’t you think? She still tried despite me being married to get me to sleep over. You know the saying home is where the heart is? She was my safe place, she was my home.
She squealed in delight as I told her I was pregnant for the first time and came over with a movie the day after I miscarried to keep me company. She was just always there. We as people take for granted that people are always there. We forget that in the blink of an eye, our loved ones can leave this earth as quickly as they came.
Over seven years ago I had awaken that morning feeling proud, excited and giddy. I had finally received my dining room table for our new home and had begun making plans to have a dinner with our family. We were ging to tell them the news, the news that after a miscarriage and nine months of trying I was pregnant.
There was another call that came in first and it said Nanny was going to the hospital. Something inside me knew, that she was not alive. It did not need to be said over the phone. We shared a could, kindred spirits and around 5am I had awaken. I felt something in my room, kind of strange. I seen a white light and did not understand it then, but did once I received that call.
Tears come to my eyes as I think of her and how much she loved children. She never got to know that I had any let alone three. She would have loved them as her own.She would have spoiled them especially my son. She always loved little boys. It saddens me that my children will have never know her but that’s the circle of life. Life goes on and continues despite losing love ones.
Nanny if I could tell you one thing it would be this. I felt you that night. Although we do not know exactly what happened, I know you were not alone. I was with you in spirit. Thank you for always being there for me and I hope that in return I was always there for you! Merry Christmas it’s your favorite holiday and every Christmas I think of your garbage bags and all the love that you put inside of them!