I lay you in your crib reading brown bear, brown bear. You chant the rhymes with me as you have learned them by heart. Then it’s on to Polar Bear, Polar Bear… Eric Carle being upon your favorite books with Sandra Boynton coming in second.
You have been having fever and feeling ill, so after seven of your most favorite books I decided to make you lay down and rub your back while singing twinkle-twinkle little star. Attempting to mix the song choice up I went on to I love you, but you would not have it. Twinkle, Twinkle little star it is.You normally do not like to be sung to and never really have, not even as a little baby, but today you needed it.
As I sang the song, over and over rubbing your back, your eyes started to flutter. fluttering back and forth as you attempt to fight the sleep I took it in. The sight of your crib, the scent of your freshly bathed skin, the feel of your tiny back underneath my hand as I soothe you to sleep. You attempted to fight it, but succumbed to the lullaby and comfort of your mothers touch.
At two years old you are already bigger than I can imagine. Always trying to catch up with your sister’s you have always grown and matured a little too fast. You like to wear fedora’s and I consider you an old soul. Soon we will get you a what we will call your big boy bed. This will be the last crib, the last changing table, the last rocking glider. This is the last moments for this mom to have a baby.
Once the remnants of the nursery are gone and all things baby are taken away, we will only have these moments in time. These memories that only I will remember. The ones where you need your mothers comfort, her gentle touch. It will become less and less as you get older through the years. You will begin to need me less.
I will equally miss these moments and relish the new ones as well. Your first day of kindergarten, your first soccer game, your first girlfriend. ( okay, not really that one). I will look forward to it all while thinking He will always be my baby. He will always be that little baby that stopped crying every time he was placed on my chest. That special bond will never go away. You and I will always have that comfort in silence because when you love someone so much a simple silence is all you need.
I’m writing this to you on the brink of your big boy adventures simply so that in the event that I forget, you will not. Long after I am gone hopefully when you are much older, and after what will be inevitable memories that are not as sweet. You know, those
teenage years are just rough on anyone. But you can look back and know without a shadow of a doubt that your mom, she loved you more than life itself. That will never change.If you need me when you get older, just say the word and I am there. if you think that I have stopped loving you, then fear not because I never will. There is nothing on this earth that you can do to cause me to stop loving you. I will push you, I will hold expectations, I will love you. Because deep down you will always be my little baby boy. I love you through and through!