Posted in mommyhood

Bittersweet Independence


Locking eyes with her in the rear view mirror, my oldest says “momma, I can take Bailey to class if you want” Her voice sounded unsure but her eyes said I want to take this on! She being the big sister wanted to take our little kindergartener and show her the ropes. Part of me wanted to say “no, I want to do it!”  But being the oldest sibling myself I fully understand the duty we have to our younger siblings. I may have wanted to have that moment with my kindergartener just as I did with her older sister on her first day of school, but I looked into those sweet oldest’s eyes and said of course you can! That would be a big help to mommy!

Now her voice carried with confidence as she explained the happenings of elementary school! you know, the arts the crafts and all the library books you get to read! Next as it was time to get out of the car, it was talks of recess and how you can play on the jungle Gym. She went on to explain the different play grounds and how the cool older kids get to play on that one! I kissed my sweet little five-year old goodbye and hugged her tight as she begins her next chapter in life.

This chapter that doesn’t always include mom and where my influence on her starts to lessen. It’s bittersweet actually. The new-found independence and the for sure beginnings  of losing anything that can be considered baby. Tears filled my eyes as I watched these two walking side by side. Talking, laughing as they walked into the place that begins your preparation into adulthood.

I am proud of my oldest for taking it upon herself to help her sister out and a little saddened by the fact that she is growing way too fast. I still see that small baby with her beautiful big eyes and gorgeous hair when I look at her!

Motherhood is quite the roller coaster isn’t it? The emotions that comes with this role doesn’t makes sense to those who are not a mother. One minute they are driving us insane and we can’t run far enough away from them and the next minute we don’t want to blink because time goes by just too fast. We tell our kids to become more independent only to become a little saddened once they do. We long for the baby years again while fully embracing the independent years.  If I were looking at someone else with these constant change in emotions I would suggest they see their therapist and get some good medications going pronto.

 Today I watched proudly at my girls as they embraced their new adventures. Today was a good day to be a mom! Let’s face it, after dealing with the terrible two’s I needed a good mom day? What are some of your good mom day moments?

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I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

13 thoughts on “Bittersweet Independence

  1. Wow! I got all choked up reading this. What a scene that must have been. My older daughter will be starting middle school this year, and she has fully embraced the role of responsible big sister. Sometimes, to such an extent that I find myself verbally relieving her of some of her self-imposed responsibilities because I fear that she may be more emotionally invested than a child her age should be. It’s a tricky balance.

    Good for you for making that beautiful call and letting your oldest fully enjoy that moment 🙂

    1. It really was a proud and slightly sad moment! I am glad I let her take her sister even though she robbed me of my moment it allowed me to have an even more beautiful one 🙂

  2. This is my first time visiting your blog and I loved this post. My oldest starts 2nd grade next week and my youngest just turned two. I was thinking about this exact scenario earlier today. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Bittersweet is the only way to describe my feelings. Even though I have a few years to go, we both know how fast time goes by. Good luck to you three ladies for the new school year! And nice to”meet” you.

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