Posted in mommyhood

The fear I never seen coming

In ten short days the school year will begin. The summer went by so fast I can’t believe it’s time for another year! There are many things I love about the school year/ The beginnings of fall with the cool weather in the mornings, to the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin everywhere. Planning our Christmas and all three of my kids birthdays beginning next month.
When you have kids you begin to imagine what there lives will be like long before they ever reach the age of your imagination. You think about them in school when they are just mere babies, and consider what it will be like. How will you will feel about starting school. Will their teachers be kind and caring? Will my child make friends easily? But there is one thing that continues to plaque my mind as this school year approaches.
With one beginning pre school and one starting first grade, I just can’t help but think. Just can’t help but worry. I say a prayer every night and never thought this would ever be a prayer needed. When your children are in school and away from you, there is nothing you can do to protect or shelter them. You just hope they are safe and that the good lord keeps them that way.
This prayer I am referring to is about keeping my kids safe. It goes something like this.

Dear God,

I know I am selfish, and I don’t always pray. If you could just please watch over my children this school year. Please keep them safe and out of harms way. I remember the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I watched the news regarding the sandy Hook shooting, and how every christmas has forever been changed for me. How I will think of that tragedy and those parents every year for the rest of my days. So if you could please watch over them, I would greatly appreciate it. I may not be the perfect mother, but I love these kids with all of my heart!


It’s funny how Seven years ago I thought my biggest fear about school would be about whether or not my kids would enjoy school and make friends. It wasn’t until the second week of school last year that the realization hit me. My daughter came home from her second week of Kindergarten talking about these drill they had to do at school that day. The first two I knew. It was the fire drill and the tornado drill. I got those, but then she began talking about  a third drill. I didn’t understand it at first.  She didn’t know the name of it or why they were doing it, just that they were to hide. Still not understanding I pulled out her binder, and that’s where it read in black and white. Today we will be practicing three drills.
Focusing solely on the third drill as the pit of my stomach made me want to vomit as if I was pregnant in my first trimester it read Intruder/Shooter drill. It’s happened. This world we live in is a world that has to protect innocent children from shooters coming in just because they could.
Upon thinking of my own school experiences the tears streamed down my face. You see, this is not something that I have ever worried about in school as a child myself. School was where my friends were, some of my favorite teachers and where we could have fun and learn. It was a safe place. It pains me to think that our children have to prepare for the event of a school shooting. A six-year-old shouldn’t know what a shooter is. Children should know love and happiness but sadly they will fear a world that takes what they want at any cost.
There are no words to make this realization more palatable, so I leave you with this. As a reminder to myself also. Hold on to those babies, make the moments count. Hug them a little tighter and say a prayer. Pray for our children as they begin this school year. That peace and happiness surround them and to always keep them safe.



I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

14 thoughts on “The fear I never seen coming

  1. I’m feeling my breath catch as I read this. My baby turns one today. Thank you for the warning. I never dreamed he would have to do a Shooter/Intruder drill at school. I guess I should be greatful the teachers, schools, classrooms, and kids are prepared.

    1. I know! I was in pure shock as I read the paper from school! It really struck home for me too because we had actually started practicing them at the hospital I work in the week before! I am greatful for them preparing our kids but it just stinks that this is something we have to prepare them for!

  2. I understand your fear. I always hated the lockdown procedures and I’m not sure my kids knew the importance or the scariness of it all. When our oldest was in 5th grade, second was in 4th grade and the youngest in 1st grade, they were having a lockdown drill when an earthquake happened. The teachers had to scramble to switch out the drill. Most of the parents picked up their kids after what my 1st grader called an earth shake and was very excited about it. I chose to leave my kids at school because I knew their teachers were capable—and it wasn’t a category 7 earthquake, just enough to scare us. Later I wrote thank you notes to all their teachers for keeping our kids safe. I just wish we didn’t have to worry about more than natural occurrences.

    1. I wish we didn’t have to worry about it either, but unfortunately it’s a scary reality. We do shoote drill at the hospital too. It is all so scary but we just have to keep our faith and pray for he best.

  3. It’s always good to pray for our kids, and of course we have to be prepared and safe. But keep in mind that statistically it’s EXTREMELY unlikely that any violent event will happen at any given school. I think the emphasis we place on these drills may well be doing more harm than good. Living in fear is no way to live.

    1. I agree, we need to be prepared but we can’t live in fear. My brother died as a result of a shooting. they think he was being robbed at gunpoint but I refuse to let that keep me from living and being happy.

  4. I too was surprised and saddened the first time my kids had a lockdown drill, but I was also grateful that our schools had thought enough to prepare our kids for any kind of emergency. I imagine that these kids are so young still that this is just part of their day, just like fire drills and the cold war were just part of our day when we were kids. I don’t imagine that they are able to see the big painful picture as we see it.

    You know, I find myself telling my kids about how things used to be before 9/11, like our parents and grandparents used to tell us stories about the “good ol’ days”. “Before 9/11”, I tell them, “we used to be able to tour the White House, and we met our loved ones who came to visit right at the airport gate!” I never imagined those would be the “good ol’ days”.

    1. Yes.. it is strange to talk about the good Ole days.. and you are right, the kids don’t understand why they are doing the drill. Just that they are doing one.

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