Posted in mommyhood

My kid is not Shy and No I will not make her hug you

I read a post on Scary Mommy today that resonated with me instantly. I have had a  similar post swirling in my head for awhile now and just never made time to put it in the drafts. The post I am referring to talks about not forcing kids to hug others if they do not want to.

I have to say  that I completely agree with that post. I have often been accused informed that my kids are just simply too shy. They need to learn to open up and talk to people, they said. Well let me tell you a little secret. My kids are far from shy. They have no problem speaking their minds and I am finding that people often confuse introverted with shyness. Shyness is apprehension and anxiety in social situations where as introverts need alone time to recharge.

My oldest daughter is an introvert and very much values her personal space. So is her mother by the way. We have a bubble and do not enjoy others in our bubble. I have not and will not force her to hug anyone she does not want to hug. It is her body and shouldn’t we teach our kids to maintain control over what happens to their body?

Kids do not get a lot of control over most things, but the one thing they should control is their body. This also includes hugging me by the way. If she does not want to hug me, then I do not force her. It may hurt my feelings a bit but I know that she loves me, she just shows it differently.

I don’t want her to think that she has to let people touch her to make them happy and put their happiness in front of her discomfort. I want her to trust her instincts and there are just too many creeps out there who will try to get kids to do unspeakable things to make them happy. I just can’t even go there, but you know what I am referring to.

It is not rude to not hug a family member nor does it make them self centered. It lets them value their personal space and value their bodies. I understand that grandparents love their kids and it can hurt their feelings if they are not hugged but at least in our case, the grandparents are n around on a daily basis. It may feel like hugging a stranger and that just seems odd to kids.

we should look at kids respect their personal space. We should empower them to control their bodies and respect their choices of whether or not to show affection. What do you do when your children do not want to hug others?



I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

14 thoughts on “My kid is not Shy and No I will not make her hug you

  1. This is so so true! I really can’t understand why people don’t get it… Will you force an adult to hug you if they don’t want to? Then why do kids have to undergo that?

  2. It’s true that we should look at kids and respect their personal space. Sometimes they just don’t feel like it, and we let it be. Usually I’ll ask my kids if they want to, and mostly with people they are familiar with. With the unfamiliar, I let it be if they don’t want a hug. It’s important they they feel comfortable doing it, not just because we say so. But with me, I tend to insist on a hug – whether they like it or not. I cannot go without one! :p

  3. Yes! Yes! Yes! My daughter has sensory issues and does not like anyone including me touching her, hugging, etc. She only recently has become more affectionate with me and I get so irritated when family members try and force her to hug or they try to be funny and pinch her or grab her feet. It’s not funny and I also like my personal space. I have had more than one discussion with certain persons on the matter and now I’m not even nice about it. She screams and unsolicited touching triggers terrible meltdowns. Then they say things to try and guilt her- she’s 2!! She doesn’t know how to offend anyone intentionally. Drives me bonkers! I might have to print and distribute your post here on Thanksgiving! Great post!

    1. My best friend has a son with sensory perception disorder among others. he does NOT like to be touched and the same thng happen where h will have a meltdown. He will be affectionate with some people in his life, lik his mom and dad, and we have a special bond so he will even cuddle with me somtmes, but its usually not for very long.

    1. I think people just have to get over the mentality that someone is being rude if they do not show affection. In the south it is often considered rude to not hug or touch each other. It is a struggle but I am not backing down, its her body 😉

  4. I agree completely, I don’t want my kids to be more open or comfortable when it comes to people touching them, and if you force your child to hug someone they don’t want to then they may think they have to do other stuff if someone tries something with them!

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