Posted in mommyhood

No More Tutus…

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Tears came to my eyes, as a picture of 6yo’s first dace recital dress popped up on my Facebook memories. This is a nice feature added to Facebook, however today, it made me a little sad.

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On Christmas Eve, 6yo came running to me and informed me that she no longer wanted to go to dance. She wouldn’t give me a reason why, just that she no longer wanted to go. The thought of her quitting hurt my heart a little since the oldest decided to quit this year as well. Due to her anxiety issues, we decided to go ahead and let her quit because it was causing her too much stress to go to Ballet. That was months ago, that she stopped. Now ,my only one left in dance wants to quit also! It was too much. I just told her we would talk about it later and left it at that.

I think part  of me was hoping that she would forget that she wanted to quit. Part of me felt like she was only saying it because the oldest wasn’t going anymore. Part of me still thinks that is true.

This week we were to return to dance and get measured for recital dresses. The husband picked her up and I met them at the studio. She seemed fine, until she wasn’t. She would not go in to the studio for measurements. Then the studio owner came over and said “honey if you don’t like to dance, then tell  your mom.” “It’s okay if you don’t but your mom pays a lot of money to let you come here so tell her if you don’t like it anymore.” That was it, there was no going back. 6yo decided she was done. I know the owner was trying to be helpful, but I really don’t think she dislikes dance. I really think it has something to do with big sis not being there. Unfortunately the kid isn’t talking, so we decided to withdraw, It wasn’t like I  could drag her in there kicking and screaming now could I?

It’s funny because my next thought was okay, if not Ballet then what? Somehow I have this idea in my head that the kids HAVE to be involved in something! We have to keep them busy and involved in extracurricular activities. I am not really sure where this came from. Is it the idealist poster family who have 2.2 kids who are involved in dance, sports and music lessons portrayed on t.v., Facebook and well everywhere.. I am not sure.

Today, we were all exhausted and tired. The kids had their first week back at school from winter break and well, they needed a break. So we stayed home in our pajamas and played. WE built towers out of Legos, played Jenga and watched movies together. WE were just simply there. There was no agenda, no hurrying to the next task or event. It was what we needed.

That is when hit me. These kids need time to just be kids. They don’t have to be involved in anything yet unless they choose to be. It’s not about me, i’s about them. Kindergarten has been challenging for  and comes home exhausted every night and barely makes it to bath time before falling asleep on the couch. There are days we are completing homework in the  morning s because she did fall asleep on the couch. She needs this time off.

So for know, we are just going to take the rest of this year off. We can explore other ventures next year. I am going to let my kids be kids without the pressures of dance classes and recitals. I am not going say that it doesn’t suck for me. We had some great times at that dance studio. My girls were becoming beautiful dancers. So if you will excuse me, I am going to continue to look at these pictures and cry….

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Author:

I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

22 thoughts on “No More Tutus…

  1. I love reading about the process of your reaching these conclusions, and hearing about the conclusions themselves.

    I feel like kids should be kids and have lots of time to play. With so much time now spent preparing academically, they don’t get enough time to play. Add in the homework, even evening time doesn’t allow for much play. Because of this, we haven’t signed D up for anything.

    Recently, we’ve been noticing him being more and more vocal about wanting to try a few things. I’ve been reluctant because it’s tough to juggle what we’ve already got, but now he’s pretty adamant that he wants to do martial arts. Since he’s identified an interest, I feel it’s now time for me to support that … to enable him to pursue his interests. We tried visiting a dojo on Wednesday, but it’d closed. I submitted a request for our back-up school early this morning. I think once a week during school and twice a week during vacation will do him a lot of good: in discipline, in learning, in moving, in community.

    And Littler J? We’re going to get him in gymnastics, music, dance or something, because he showed us much earlier than did D where his particular interests lie. The little dude can’t stop moving, and has pretended long, skinny things were guitars (playing air guitar!) since he was barely a year. We definitely want to encourage that, though I have no idea how to balance that encouraging with very real time constraints!

    Good thing parenting and solving the “couple” of questions it poses is so, so very easy, huh?! :p

  2. I remember those days. My daughter hated ballet but loved tap and jazz dancing. She became pretty darn good. In 7th grade she decided she didn’t want to do it any more. I have a friend who forced her boys to get up very early and practice the piano before going to school. Her rule was that they do this until they were 18. Neither of those boys have touched a piano since turning 18. Sometimes it’s best to let them decide what they want to try…that’s how they learn what it is they like. Good for you for letting them just be kids. 🙂

    1. I think it is best to let them tell us. I don’t want them to ever think we are forcing them into anything, but I do want them involved in something later on down he road.

      1. They will find what brings them joy. It sounds like you and your husband are very supportive of letting them explore and make their own choices.

  3. I agree about letting them be kids. I waited until my kids were older and let them choose what they wanted to do. My daughter started Irish dancing when she was 9. My son started playing the cello when he was 10. Both sometimes say they wish they had started sooner. I am glad we waited until they could balance practices and school but you still get the “What ifs.”

    1. I am definitely leaning towards letting them tell me their interests. There are so many things our here besides Ballet an sports. I played the trumpet so maybe we will have musician later on down the road. Time will tell 😉

  4. The best 4 years of my kids’ childhood was when I let them drop out of everything…dance, music lessons, soccer, scouts, gymnastics, etc. and just let them play outside, and be kids. They still talk about those years. Be careful not to overschedule your kids to live up to some social media image. You never know the battles that go on behind closed doors. ☺

    1. Thank you for this comment. I needed read this more than you know. I just want my kids to be happy, so as long as they are happy then I am happy 😉

  5. Good for you! I think it takes a wise mama to recognize this truth. I know there are very differing schools of thought on whether to allow kids to drop out of an activity, but we always felt there was no point in forcing them to continue doing something they didn’t enjoy. When they did find something they loved, they went at it 100% with no need for prompting from parents. And when they weren’t in activities, they enjoyed the free time for creativity and self-directed play. Enjoy this rest time!

    1. Thank you! We just got her report card stating that she still needs improvemts on her sight words. I feel confident that we made the right decision. She is learning tonadjust to school and we need to spend more time helping her..

  6. This will give them the time to explore where their passions lie. It may open new doors, new possibilities… or it could even help them realize they do love dancing. Good luck, and I think you’re doing the right thing!

  7. In time she will tell you why. You did the right thing. My younger daughter didn’t start dance until she was 11, when she discovered her passion. Your girls will find their passion and it may yet be dance. You are a great mom!

  8. I think we all struggle with stuff like this. My eldest isn’t in dance this year for the simple reason I couldn’t find a dance class that also worked for my youngest and figured it was unfair to have her sit in the hall while the eldest got to dance. She doesn’t seem to miss it and they now have more unstructured down-time, which I think is a good thing. We do do swim lessons (that’s my non-negotiable) and we had both in skating for one term this fall so they could learn the basics, but not again – we’ll just go as a family now.

    I put my 6-year-old in Sparks (Guides) which she loves. Structured, but different – with run-around playtime. I think that’s a winner here.

    To the commenter above re: piano – that was my mom – I had to play until I got a certain conservatory level. I was 18 at the time. I then didn’t touch a piano for over a decade. It’s so hard knowing when to push and when to step back and give kids space to choose.

    1. You are so right. It is so hard knowing the right thing to do. I have friends who also force their kids to play piano and I just don’t want them to resent me for it. For now we will just get through this year and see what happens 😊

  9. Your girls look so happy and beautiful in their dance outfits. There are times and seasons for everything so I think you’re doing the right thing to follow their lead. Although it’s an end of an era, the next one is just beginning. I was sad to stop my daughters violin lessons after only a few months because she never took the initiative to practise. I would rather spend the money on something she is really passionate about, not what I’d like her to do. Children have so many options and their intrests can change like the wind! I agree that children need downtime, school is exhausting.

  10. Hey. I think what didn’t translate well in what I commented before was that I was cheering you on:
    You’re doing great. It’s hard to listen and to hear to some messages, sometimes, but you are listening. You are hearing. You are doing worlds of good by listening and hearing, no matter how it saddens you to do so.

    1. I think you translated it very well! Thanks for your comment I just realized I never responded to it. So sorry i forgot to respond, parenting is a struggle and it is hard to know what is right and wrong. I have friends that looked at me like I was crazy to let her quit. They are forcing their kids to stay in piano etc. I just think we will have a long journey of finding out what particularly interests our children. I am enjoying the idea of taking the rest of the year off 😊

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