Posted in mommyhood

losing friends, gaining new ones and a sleepover request

I received a note from 8yo’s teacher confirming what he had hoped would not happen. 8yo’s best friend in class has moved away and finally switched schools. Her teacher wanted me to know because 8yo has been so happy since she made a friend in class. She has been understanding about her ocd tendencies and anxiety. She wanted me to know she was concerned and to let her know if there was anything she could do to help. I love her, for this note. I love her patience and understanding. 8yo just does not make lots of friends. She typically clings to one. She vales true friendship versus having a lot of friends who really aren’t good friends.

She seems to be doing ok with this news, but has clinged to her younger sister and wants to play with her more now. Last week she began talking about a little girl we will call T. T, was in her Kindergarten class and remains in after school care with 8yo. She has not spoken much of her this year in second grade but she did come to 8yo’s birthday party. She is asking if T, can come over for a sleepover. I have mixed feelings over this request. At the birthday party this little girl was perfectly mannered and sweet. She truly was a delight. So what is the problem? 8yo tells me that sometimes T, says things like ” nobody likes me, I should just go kill myself!”  no doubt something she has heard on t.v. or in her own home.

At the birthday party in November, the mom dropped off T and made no effort to get to know us. She looked at us, and said “so two hours?” I nodded and then she was gone. Maybe if she had taken the time to get to know us and vice versa then I would feel a little better about this.

I have a rule about sleepovers though. My girls can have friends here, but cannot sleep over at anyone else’s house that we do not know. They have slept over at a close friends house a couple of times but I do not let them otherwise sleep at other’s houses except for my sister in law’s. I would hate to have the girl over and then she expects 8yo to come to her house. 8yo knows the rules and understands it, but others might get their feelings hurt.

I have also considered multiple girls sleepover like three total. Then it could be a fun party and would be more that just focusing on the one girl. I have no idea how to go about hosting a little girl sleepover though, and not sure I have the stamina to stay up with a handful of eight year olds, but am willing to try.

So, my question is this. What would you do? Let the little girl come over?

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Author:

I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

14 thoughts on “losing friends, gaining new ones and a sleepover request

  1. We’re coming up close on the time where we’ll have to start answering questions like this. Before that happens, I’m going to reread Gavin de Becker’s Protecting the Gift since it’s been a couple years since I read it. I’m going to make lists and talk with my husband about which questions we need to be asking kids’ parents before they come to our house or our kids go to theirs. Ultimately, I know that I’d have to feel comfortable with the parent before a sleepover, but that the exact steps/questions answered to attain that comfort will require some definition. I do know some parents will not like some of the questions I ask, and know that I’m OK with that not-liking as long as I’m working towards ensuring kids’ total (physical, emotional, mental, etc.) safety.

    I actually just got out the book this weekend to begin my reread. 🙂

    1. Oh that’s a great idea! I read that book after your post about it and think its time to pull it out and see what he says about sleepovers! Thanks for the reminder 😊

  2. I never let my kids stay with anyone that we didn’t know the parents. I feel bad that this little person has such horrible thoughts. She must feel unloved and can’t find a way to learn to love herself. As far as sleepovers, they are fun for sure, but still…I usually knew the parents of all who slept at our house too. As far as them spending the night with others, knowing things like, are there guns in the house, big dogs and are they tame…older siblings, blah blah, are hard to flat out ask about, but it was always easy to assure a parent of one my kids wanted to have sleep over. Biggest thing? Trust your gut and get to know the parents first.

    1. I think those are some great questions! I’m thinking that it would be best if we had our good friends little girls over instead..that way she feels like she has had a sleepover and we know the kids and the parents 😊

  3. The whole sleepover thing is so difficult. I wish it had never been invented. Even under the best of conditions you end up with exhausted, cranky kids, and it takes the rest of the weekend to recover. You’re right on with your rule, I think. The awful issue I had was when I did know the parents and there was no way I’d let one of my darlings stay with them. Wow, was that awkward to handle. It happened more than once, and the memories still make me cringe.

    1. I can understand the awkwardness. There are people that I know that I wouldn’t let my kids stay the night with. My parents included. It’s just that we know what is best. Thankfully those that I would not want my child to stay with have no interest in having them over. Yes, that includes my parents. It is what it is 😉

  4. Ah – we are not at this stage yet and, honestly, I’m still struggling with the play date stage of life as a working mom. My daughter asks to invite kids over and I’m like sure, HOW? I even drafted little cards to two of the moms with the ask and a phone number and got …. crickets. She plays with girls in the neighbourhood and those from her class whose parents I know anyway, but other than that? I’m a bit stumped.

    Your problem so far as the mom goes may be a bit of the same – challenge of reaching out and connecting with the adults involved. People are busy and it can be hard. As for what the little girl said, that’s terrible. I do hope it is something she picked up and is citing from a TV show or something. But yes, also a concern.

    1. I agree. I’m not sure how to handle reaching out and was thinking about sending a note. If she doesn’t call back then we just have some cousins stay the night instead 😊

  5. Oh sleepovers 😉 I would say have her over for the afternoon first and that will give you another chance to hopefully get to know her mother. If you have a feeling that you don’t want your daughter to spend the night at her house I would definitely go with your gut. In my experience with sleepovers with stepson when the other kids parents don’t take the time to get to know you when dropping their kids off with you then they usually don’t have kids over at their house. For the sleepover get ready to have your house taken over lol. We never had any horrible experiences with sleepovers and the boys always had fun. I have to say though I was happy to have my house back when they all went home. It was actually easier when they are younger. Now that stepson is a teenager he and his friends need their “privacy” so we are banned to a section of the house. Then you get the kid that looks at you like “Eww parents.” Good luck!

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