Posted in mommyhood

When you receive that letter

I’m sitting at the dining room table, opening backpacks and taking out important messages from binders, when I see the envelope which reads “to the parents of…” written on top. Unfortunately, we have seen this letter before and I know exactly what it is. It is a letter to discuss 7yo’s progress in school and the possibility of retention. We have been here before.

In Kindergarten, she wasn’t learning to read at the rate the school expects. When I say school, I mean the entire state system. I know the school has their hands tied to an extent with these stupid standardized tests and ridiculous high standards placed on these kids today. Anyway, I digress. While, we made through kindergarten, I am honesty unsure of how this year will go.

It’s a struggle. Every night, it’s a struggle to complete homework which honestly can take hours to get her to complete. I spent nearly thirty minutes trying to get her to write the word SEA the other night. By the time we finished the one assignment i was too tired to make her practice spelling words.

She can’t focus. During those thirty minutes of trying to get her to write the word SEA, she was pulling at her eraser, becoming distracted by paper on the floor, saying i have to show you something. It’s not that she is particularly hyperactive, but she can’t focus.

I will be honest, i am trying to give this one to GOD but it is hard. Dang, hard to trust that this is going to be okay. Yet, it just has to. We have an initial screening appointment with the pediatrician next week for ADD testing. Part of me is so ready to get this process over with as mother’s intuition tells me and has been telling me that this is what we are dealing with. Part of me doesn’t want her to have that label. I know there are plenty of kids who have this condition and do very well with medication and therapy but the thought overwhelms me a little. Part of me is worried something else is going on.

So as i sit here, signing this paper saying that i will most definitely appear at the meeting to discuss my childs progress, i am relieved, exhausted, angry and anxious all at the same time. i wanted this meeting months ago, before there was a possibility of retention. Before, her grades were so bad that NOW we have to do something to help her. I HAVE been doing stuff to help. We have tried getting creative with writing spelling words. I paid $400 dollars over the summer for a reading program to keep her afloat and will most like pay the same amount this Summer if it continues to be helpful. We are very hands on parents, so now i want to know what the school is going to do to help her.

I’m sitting here angry because I can see the anxiety in her with possible signs of depression because she is dang smart and knows that she is falling behind. She knows without anyone saying a word to her that she is struggling. She is internalizing these feelings and refuses to talk about it. She’s only seven and i can see she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. We encourage her for getting the answers right and never punish for making poor grades, but she knows. Like i said, she is smart. She just needs some help right now.

She has a new teacher as the teacher she started with this year retired over the Christmas break. She seems to be very patient, but i am afraid she is going to become frustrated with her quickly. Heck, i become frustrated with her. It takes her a long time to complete tasks. She received two marks last week for not using time wisely and staying on task. Can they take marks off , if the child truly can’t help it? 7yo actually got a B on her spelling test, which i was super proud of but made a D on her other test  for that week. The teacher wrote a not explaining that she gave her the test back three times, and she didn’t change her answers. She was trying to giver her a chance. The exclamation point at the end of her note tells me that she was a little frustrated with her.

As i sit here typing all of this tears are filling my eyes. Isn’t that what we do as mothers? Worry into oblivion? I am planning on looking up bible verses on worry to make a relaxation book for the oldest, Perhaps i should look them up for me too. Like i said, i am struggling to give this one to God. Right now, I’m just trying to breathe. Please, lord help me to let go of the things i cannot change.

Please help me to give this one to you, as I am struggling with feelings of anxiousness, worry and doubt.

 

 

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Author:

I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

23 thoughts on “When you receive that letter

  1. My heart is breaking for you. As a mom of a kid who has ADHD (as does his father) AND as a former teacher, I have so many things to say…
    First, I’m angry with the school system and with individual teachers/administrators who have let you down. So are you, I’m sure. Next, some thoughts about what might happen down the line. (Caveat: These are just my opinions, based on experience and training, but feel free to throw them out the window – it’s your family and your child!)
    If you end up with testing and some kind of diagnosis that leads to an IEP or even just a plan B, that’s reason for celebrating. Because then you have a LOT of leverage. They will have to make modifications and stick with them, and you’ll have the clout of a legal document to back you up as well as the right to say, at any time, “We need to meet, and we need to make changes because what we’re doing now is not working.” Sometimes you have to become a pain-in-the-ass parent, but it’s worth it when you’re fighting for your own child’s needs. When she’s getting modifications that allow her to learn in a way that’s appropriate for her, things will likely get better for everyone. Warning: some schools are very resistant to parents asserting their rights granted by an IEP, but the schools don’t have a leg to stand on. If you’re interested, I’ll look up the correct documents that spell up your rights in black and white, so you can point them out and subtly threaten law suit. Sounds ugly, but tough titties.

    About the possibility of ADD meds, if that’s where you end up. I know it sounds scary, and taking them does come along with some side effects, but they can also be incredibly helpful. As a nurse I’m guessing you have more background here than I do, but I find that the benefits outweigh the difficulties. You can manage the difficulties.
    Honestly, I have so much more to say, but I’ve used up tons of space here already. So I’ll just end with sending hugs and the best of wishes. ❤️

    1. I actually read this comment while on the shuttle to work this morning (we have to park so far away from the hospital that they send shuttles to pick us up) . As I read your words I felt a peace come over me so thank you for that! I would love any information you have and appreciate it! This is new territory for us and can’t believe we had to wait until she began completely failing to get a meeting any information on the IEP would be super helpful. My email is brobaibre3@gmail.com if that is helpful. Thank you so much 😊

  2. Oh April, I get you. Every time the school wants to talk to me I panic. One thing we have tried with Avery is a BOSU ball. It’s actually an exercise ball but it is flat on one side with a ball on the other. It helps to get the fidgets out while completing tasks. Being that your daughter is 7 maybe a larger exercise ball would work better for her. We tried my large exercise ball with Avery but she is just too little yet. Even though she loved it; she was crashing into everything with it 😉 I agree that an IEP or some type of plan is an awesome tool. I have used Avery’s IEP to my advantage many times to get meetings, services etc.It is so hard seeing your child struggle and be “labeled” Keep pushing forward. You are a good momma! If you ever need someone to talk to or lean on message me 🙂 I am happy to listen!

  3. Oh, oh oh. I am feeling you on this one. Caleb had to repeat 3rd grade, and he cried, I cried, we all just sat and cried. Then we vowed to forge into the year and do our best. We are studying a lot. And he is learning to care more. And he handled it well. He truly put his best foot forward, and I have never been so proud of anyone b/c few people get humbled that harshly at such a young age, but he did it. He picked himself up and carried on. No matter what happens, you will too. I have tears in my eyes with you over this one.

      1. We have put that off bc he was still on seizure meds! His brother, Joshua, has it too and it affects everything he does. He actually needs meds, but we keep putting it off.

      2. Oh bless yours and his heart! Our appointment is Tuesday and from what I can get her our pediatrician will do a series of test before diagnosing. So I don’t expect to have the answer Tuesday, but at least it’s a step in the right direction. I hope.

  4. I nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award. No pressure, just fun. So if you don’t do awards that’s okay : ) I wanted to share your blog with others since I enjoy reading it! Best wishes!

  5. I am sure your daughter has so many strengths and talents. Don’t let others out her in a box because she doesn’t meet timelines or express her knowledge in a certain way. Ask for alternative assessments – let her explain information orally, through other creative ways. She will get there. Kids take different paths to “there”. 😊

    1. I agree. We had the first pediatrician visit and he explained that we are looking at the whole picture and not just trying to make her fit a diagnosis . Which made me feel better. So, more to come soon. I want to post an uodate, but spilled water on my laptop 😂..Needless to say, I need a new one.

    1. I forgot to mention that I can relate, totally. I have a five-year-old, amazing little boy that has Autism. He recently began to say words with coaching and to God be the glory, is just about potty trained. God know’s who to give these awesome little people to. Thanks again!

  6. I have missed this post of yours, April! I’m so sorry you got the letter and I feel how you must have felt. It must have been so hard! 😦 The teacher being frustrated would not help either; I mean kids do grow at different pace – ADD or not. I hope you are feeling better after writing the post and no matter what, things could only get better. Sending some positive thoughts your way. x.

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