Posted in mommyhood

Today I cried

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while,so that we can see life with a

No one likes to see their kid struggle. No one.. It has been an emotional couple of months with a rollercoaster of emotions to go right along with it. Ever since we received the diagnosis, we have faced a whirlwind of challenges. beginning making the decision to medicate, and now increasing that medication because the lowest dose  of her medication just isn’t working well enough.

This whole year I have tried to do it all. I have tried to be the dedicated employee, the reading tutor, mom, wife, while attempting to maintaining a clean household ( insert laugh here, failing at that one!), getting the other two kids to Soccer practice each week, arriving on time to each game ( all with having snacks, water and appropriate equipment) and finding time for me to possibly excercise read or just do something for me! It’s been hard y’all. Damn hard!

So today, as i was sitting yet again with the guidance counselor at school to discuss mini me’s performannce i cried. I cried because i don’t want her to have to repeat the first grade. I cried because i feel the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. I cried because i don’t feel like there is anyone i can talk to about all of this. I cried because part of me feels like a failure because i am not enough to help her overcome these challenges. Today, I just cried!

 

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Author:

I am a wife of ten years, mom of three, Nurse and student! My household is quite chaotic and busy. With a six year old going on sixteen. we shall call her "Sassy", a four year old, who is stubborn as a mule, she shall be called " mini me", and a one year old, we will call "Buddy". Our girls do Ballet, and our son, well he is all boy! Very curious and always getting in to something. When we found out we were having a boy i laughed and said " god must have known we needed a little less diva in our life," Ha, little boys are quite the handful! I love my kids with all of my heart, and i love my job too! As a nurse leader i get to see many sides to healthcare and help encourage and guide new nurses. I love taking care of patients and being able to have grown up talk and then come home to my babies. The house is usually chaotic with lots of tantrums, and messes, but i wouldn't change it for a bit. On the rare occasion that i am able to have some spare time to myself, i like to read, bake and decorate cakes, and take pictures of my kiddos. Time to myself is rare so i decided to start this blog to have a creative outlet and connect with other working moms, who might be going through the same situations as myself. I hope you enjoy my thoughts and stories as a mom, student, wife and Nurse! These stories will range from Diapers and tutus to meetings and boardrooms! and everything that falls in between. Enjoy and thanks for visiting my site.

19 thoughts on “Today I cried

  1. I’m sorry things are so tough. I work with students with AD(H)D and dyslexia and whatever learning difficulty you can think of. Every year, I see parents who don’t know what else to do, parents who feel they’ve failed, parents who just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can tell you one thing, you are stronger than you think. Breaking down and crying is not a bad thing, it a way to allow the emotions of what you and your daughter are going through to escape. The fact that you are actively searching for solutions, that you care so deeply, the fact that you are scared out of your wits that you daughter might be held back despite all of the hard work, these are signs that you daughter will find her groove eventually. Take care.

    1. Thank you so much. It was funny to me how the guidance counselor mentioned that alot of parents do not show up to these intervention meetings. I just looked at her and said where else would I be. Not showing up was never an option for me.. .

  2. Crying with you. Mommy of 3 and my youngest has developmental delays, it is so hard to see our kids struggle. Just remember that you have the very special job of being her mommy.

    1. oh my goodness is it tough! My oldest has some OCD tendencies and I thought that was rough. This has been hard in a different way. WE mommies will just have to stick together, thanks for reading 🙂

  3. I just finished reading the book Grace Based Discipline. In one section, the author explains that one of her children has ADHD and describes life and decisions that the family makes. Anyway, ADHD is present in my extended family and I am so sympathetic to you’re feelings! (Also, I struggle to keep up with one kid, work, and two pups! Who is actually successful at this stuff?! I want to meet them.)

  4. Oh hugs to you! My eldest continues to struggle too and its hard to watch other kids her age read with little difficultly and watch her fake her way out of doing it. That she is already figuring out ways to skirt the stuff she can’t and has difficulty doing is painful for me to watch. She is improving – just not at pace with the others – and yes, it is so hard. I am so sorry to hear this is still a struggle for you too because from reading I know how much effort you – and she – are putting in. Just try to take it step by step. For both of you. Breathe. And all the best.

    1. Yes, I knew you would get it! It’s just so hard to watch her struggle and fall behind her class! The Gap between her and the rest of the class is just too wide!

      1. 😦 I keep hoping my daughter will just make a knowledge leap at some stage. I found a French camp that does reading this summer and might look into that. I just keep wondering if a bit extra will help – and if so what that is. I hope things look up on your end soon.

  5. I can’tell fit in your shoes , April…but as I read your innermost feelings, I cried with you. You have a tough job to try to do it all and it’s ok to cry. You need to. You are strong and you’ll get through this because you know deep inside, you are your family’s little big world. Xxx.

    1. Thanks! I finally told my husband how stressed I have been. He is always so tired and we don’t really talk much. Sounds silly I know, but its just life with us right now. He usually falls asleep putting our son to bed, and we don’t have much time to talk. I think it helped just explaining how I feel..

      1. Oh and you should absolutely tell and share with him how you feel. The burden should not be yours alone to carry. Besides, talking about your innermost feelings would help you both connect better too and you need all the support you need right now. Don’t be shy to ask for it. Sending you lots of positive dust and strength your way, April. x.

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