Posted in mommyhood

Spring Break Fun: Creating a fairy garden

Spring break is in the air! The kids get to let their hair down, and relax for the next week to come. Unfortunately I still have to work this week, but will take a couple of days off to enjoy some time with the kiddos. The girls have been hooked on this fairy garden idea lately and I promised them they could make on  spring break.

Now, this sounds all well and dandy except I am pretty sure that I have what you call a black thumb when it comes to gardening. No really, I kill every plant I touch! So to plant a couple of flowers for the fairy garden is a far stretch for me. I began looking up plants that are low maintenance and cactuses  looked good to me. Desert fairy garden anyone? No.. the girls wouldn’t let me buy a cactus either. They mentioned something about not wanting the fairies to get poked.

Eventually we just decided on a couple of annuals, that may or may not die in a couple of days. I will let ya’ll know! Since I have never so much as planted a seed in our yard, we had to buy everything we needed. Gardening can be expensive ya’ll! Anyways, add a little fairy, fairy house, maybe a cute little dragon and you have yourself a fairy garden! Because one garden isn’t enough we also made a mermaid garden thanks to Michael’s for having those options. Just add a few lights, and you have yourself some magic in your very front yard. WE even found a cute little garden gnome named Winston to watch over our gardens for us. HE is a very chill gnome, seems to like hanging by the palm trees and soaking up the sun.

The girls love their gardens and I loved working in the yard with them. Shh.. Don’t tell anyone I said that. I typically  do not like any resemblance of yard  work! Spring break day one was a huge success! Now, I have to go to work tomorrow while the kids enjoy spending time with their cousin for the day. Why can’t parents get spring break? Oh well, I took off work Wednesday, so only a couple more days, and we will have some more fun planned! What are your spring break plans this year?

 

 

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Posted in acceptance

Choosing to love

It was March 15, 2004 on a cloudy yet, sunshiny day when I became the Mrs to my Mr.  I was 22 years old then, and full of love, hope and images of a picture perfect happily ever after. It’s hard to believe it has been thirteen years since we have said ” I do.”

Fast forward to that thirteen years on March 15, 2017 . I received an edible arrangement at work from the hubby and can honestly say that I was completely surprised. How does he still manage to surprise me after all these years?  We had a survey happening at the hospital so my day was long and exhausting, so the nice fruit basket kept me going throughout.

When I came home from work, our anniversary was anything but picture perfect. The house was a complete mess, kids had to be fed; homework need to be done and baths were started. The fancy anniversary dinner consisted of pizza that was eaten roughly around 7pm that night. Then, the hubby fell asleep in Buddy’s room  while putting him to bed. It wasn’t romantic.. it wasn’t ideal. It was just a normal night like any other. It just simply was.

>>>>>>

Apparently when you have been married longer than ten years people start asking what your secret is. Isn’t that funny? Ten years hardly seems like it has been long enough to know the key to keeping a lasting marriage. Yet somehow, seems like a lifetime in this day and age.

Once  you add social media to the mix, anyone can seem like they have this picture perfect marriage and then boom suddenly they are getting divorces leaving others wondering what could have gone wrong. I am sure if you looked at my social media pages then you would think that our marriage is perfect too. We only show people what we want them to see, which is usually  the good stuff. The flowers, the nice gestures, you know.. all that stuff. It hardly seems right to say hey, my husband sucked today..

The truth is, these past thirteen years have not been perfect. We have had some amazing times as well as come incredibly rocky times. It has been hard and a lot of work to continue to stay married for this long! I can’t tell you the magic secret to staying married, because well, we are still a work in progress and I think if anyone tells you different, they are living in a fairytale.

The only thing I can say, is that I am still married because once all the newness and honeymoon phase has worn off , we have to make a choice. A choice to love one another no matter what. I am still married because I choose to love this man even when every when I don’t like him very much. I choose to love the man who put over 200 valentines cards in a bag with different messages he had hand written on the day he asked me to marry him. I choose to love the man who communicates with very little words. I choose to love the man who once drove over an hour away to pick up a tablet that he ordered for me to celebrate a promotion. I choose to love this man who once again drove an hour away to buy soccer cleats for our oldest daughter because she doesn’t like the color pink and the green ones, were only an hour drive away. I choose to love the man who is sleeping right now, while I am sipping a glass of wine and cleaning our house ( I am a little mad about this one, but I still choose to love him.. Wine helps!)

Love is  choice. It is not easy, it is not picture perfect. It simply is the act of showing kindness, gratitude, compassion, and affection for one another. Love is a choice. Who do you choose to love today?

 

 

Posted in acceptance, mommyhood

Facing ADHD

 

It took me a minute to realize that I was holding my breath every time the shadow of feet outlined the crack underneath the door. An hour of waiting and that was lot of breaths being held by this very worried mommy. My mini me sitting in the corner playing with a toy in the office, while my husband and I sat waiting for results to all the testing mini me had done. Does she, or does she not have ADHD? That being the question on our minds. Did parental intuition set in, desperate for any indication as to why on earth this child seems to be struggling, or were we being two completely overly worried parents?

Once the doctor came, in it  was both the quickest and longest conversation we have had with any doctor I have ever experienced in my life. He spent over an hour with us going over test results line by line. I love him for that. We may have had to wait for an hour to see him, but it was because he wanted to ensure that he had enough time to explain the results and what it means for our daughter. The entire office had left for the evening, but we were there with our doctor. The terms, ADHD predominately inattentive type came out of his mouth and I swear at that moment I finally let go of the breath I had been holding. WE went over treatment options, and terms like 504 and IEP to help her in school. Then I swear that sweet doctor looks at me with the most sincere eyes and asks me the million dollar question. ” How do you want to treat this?” I am pretty sure that tears began to fill my eyes, because aside from working as a nurse, no doctor has ever partnered with their patient like this, that I have ever seen. Not really knowing what to say, I finally said that I wanted the treatment option that would help her the best. She is struggling in school and needs help.

The next day I sat in the kitchen holding a medication in my hand with tears streaming down my face and my body shaking. A medication that could help this sweet baby of mine focus, but could have some serious side effects. WE expected this, we knew this was the most likely scenario and yet, my heart felt burdened.  With my daughter in the living room, I silently called out to God. I just couldn’t hold the burden of fear any longer and gave this situation to him. I gave her to him. Suddenly I felt lighter, wiped my tears and drew up that medication as I have done for so many patients at in the hospital. With the good Lord’s grace, she took that medication without fight and I went to work and waited. I am not really sure what i waited for, to hear something bad happened, i don’t know. But i waited for word that she was okay, and she was. Day one of her medication and she was okay.

The first day of her medication was last Friday, and although he said she only needed this on school days, I gave it to her all weekend long to monitor her for side effects. She is on the lowest possible dose, and thankfully she did great! Monday came around and her teacher texted me that she had scored the highest grade on her fluency to date.  I can  breathe again, for now it just may be okay. For now, we have hope that she could still pass the first grade. For now, she only needs the lowest dose possible of this medication. Although that could change in the future, I am so thankful for that. For now, we just wait and see what else God has planned for this beautiful child.

Posted in mommyhood

Time for Preschool

It that time again. Time to sign up for Preschool. The beginning of sending my child to school and this time it will be the last first day of preschool! Oh boy, I need to let that one sink in a little. Pretty soon, I will have three school aged children and then what? I’m just getting old that’s what, Ha!

Now, you would think that I would be a pro at this by now, but seriously! Why didn’t someone tell me this was going to be so hard! I mean, since when did getting into a preschool become as competitive as getting into college?

The truth is, with the older two we did not attend the typical voluntary preschool program. With the oldest we chose a facility that provided the curriculum and had an excellent teacher! I mean the child had homework every night. But then, when it was time for the middle child to attend, we noticed a decline in the quality of the program. The same teacher that was amazing had left and we were left with some teachers who were not as structured as the previous one and well, it really became just daycare. So now, here we are scrambling to find a place for 4yo so he can get a good quality education and be ready for Kindergarten!

There is a place near my work that has a good reputation, but when I called the day before open registration they had already filled their spots! How does that even happen? A lot of places around here only do the VPK from 8-12 and do not offer extended care. This is obviously not an ideal situation for a working mom!

Thankfully, my sister-in-law is willing to help be my extended care if he attends the same preschool as her daughter. This is also a really good preschool and open registration is Monday. Now, I have anxiety that when I show up on Monday they will be a line out the door and I will be still not  have a preschool lined up! UGGH!!! It was easier for me to get in college than it is to get my little man in preschool! So for now, all I can do is hope and pray that this situation works out..or I will just cry..

Posted in mommyhood

Not that kind of girl

WE woke up last Sunday morning to the 9yo ( Holy shit she is nine!)telling me that her ear hurt. Minutes later she acted as if everything was fine, so we continued to get dressed and ready for church. The Hubby had to do some work before church so he had left the house earlier that morning.

Once we arrived to church, we checked 4yo in preschool and then quickly sat down. At this point it was just me and the girls as the hubby had yet to arrive. Quickly the service began with its glorious music filled auditorium. Less than five minutes into the music and I looked over at 9yo who had tears streaming down her face! She kept wiping them as if to hide her emotions while in church. Immediately going to her, I said let’s go outside and asked my sister-in-law to keep an eye on 7yo who was sitting with us as well.

What’s wrong I asked as we got outside, and she explained that her ears began hurting again with all the music. This is  a church that plays contemporary Christian so percussion is definitely on the list of instruments playing, so I can see how that bothered her little ears. I had to call the husband and explain the situation, which was that we were going to urgent care and thankfully he was almost at the church, so me and 9yo whizzed through the parking lot in order to get out of dodge. I texted my sister-in-law on the way, but the poor thing didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. She simply thought 9yo wanted to go to children’s church and I stayed to watch.

Once we got to urgent care, things kind of go south. “She has so much ear wax that it’s covering the ear drum.” The physician said. We are going to need to clean those out. All I could think was good luck, this kid freaks out if you even think about looking in her mouth or ears. But committed to the team that we would try our hardest.

Now, if you have never had this done before and can be quite alarming. They place ear drops in your ears, let that sit and then proceed to flush out your ears with water in attempts to get the wax out. Well, the screaming soon began. She screamed bloody murders as they flushed her ears and I wiped her face telling her it was going to be okay. You lied to me!! She shouted while the nurse  desperately tried. to get the wax out of ears.  “We got the left one clear!” the nurse shouted, but then determined the need for more drops in the right ear because it wasn’t going to budge.

At some point, while waiting for the drops to sit for a bit, the nurse came in and handed 9yo a bunch of stickers. AS I went through them I shake my  head. They were all princesses. I am talking Cinderella, sleeping beauty, you know all of those frilly princesses. Considering my daughter walked into that urgent care sporting a Pokémon hat, I just kept those stickers to my self.

Once we were finished and realized the right ear was a lost cause, the doctor decided to prescribe some antibiotics just in case. While waiting at our local target for her prescription, I took out the stickers and handed them to 9yo and asked if she wanted any of them. She looks down at those stickers and says “Nah! I’m not that kind of Girl!” HMM.. Maybe someone should tell those urgent care folks that not all girls are princesses, Some are Pokémon and dragon trainer warriors!

 

Posted in Uncategorized

And we have a Computer

Oh, if you were to ask me where I have been lately, I would say at home.. doing nothing. Why, because I spilled water on my frigid computer about a month ago, and just now got a new one. I mean what is a blogger without a computer? Am I right! So, Yay!! I am working on setting up this new computer so decided to drop by and say that yes I am still alive, and yes I will be posting again soon! Thank goodness!

 

Posted in mommyhood

When you receive that letter

I’m sitting at the dining room table, opening backpacks and taking out important messages from binders, when I see the envelope which reads “to the parents of…” written on top. Unfortunately, we have seen this letter before and I know exactly what it is. It is a letter to discuss 7yo’s progress in school and the possibility of retention. We have been here before.

In Kindergarten, she wasn’t learning to read at the rate the school expects. When I say school, I mean the entire state system. I know the school has their hands tied to an extent with these stupid standardized tests and ridiculous high standards placed on these kids today. Anyway, I digress. While, we made through kindergarten, I am honesty unsure of how this year will go.

It’s a struggle. Every night, it’s a struggle to complete homework which honestly can take hours to get her to complete. I spent nearly thirty minutes trying to get her to write the word SEA the other night. By the time we finished the one assignment i was too tired to make her practice spelling words.

She can’t focus. During those thirty minutes of trying to get her to write the word SEA, she was pulling at her eraser, becoming distracted by paper on the floor, saying i have to show you something. It’s not that she is particularly hyperactive, but she can’t focus.

I will be honest, i am trying to give this one to GOD but it is hard. Dang, hard to trust that this is going to be okay. Yet, it just has to. We have an initial screening appointment with the pediatrician next week for ADD testing. Part of me is so ready to get this process over with as mother’s intuition tells me and has been telling me that this is what we are dealing with. Part of me doesn’t want her to have that label. I know there are plenty of kids who have this condition and do very well with medication and therapy but the thought overwhelms me a little. Part of me is worried something else is going on.

So as i sit here, signing this paper saying that i will most definitely appear at the meeting to discuss my childs progress, i am relieved, exhausted, angry and anxious all at the same time. i wanted this meeting months ago, before there was a possibility of retention. Before, her grades were so bad that NOW we have to do something to help her. I HAVE been doing stuff to help. We have tried getting creative with writing spelling words. I paid $400 dollars over the summer for a reading program to keep her afloat and will most like pay the same amount this Summer if it continues to be helpful. We are very hands on parents, so now i want to know what the school is going to do to help her.

I’m sitting here angry because I can see the anxiety in her with possible signs of depression because she is dang smart and knows that she is falling behind. She knows without anyone saying a word to her that she is struggling. She is internalizing these feelings and refuses to talk about it. She’s only seven and i can see she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. We encourage her for getting the answers right and never punish for making poor grades, but she knows. Like i said, she is smart. She just needs some help right now.

She has a new teacher as the teacher she started with this year retired over the Christmas break. She seems to be very patient, but i am afraid she is going to become frustrated with her quickly. Heck, i become frustrated with her. It takes her a long time to complete tasks. She received two marks last week for not using time wisely and staying on task. Can they take marks off , if the child truly can’t help it? 7yo actually got a B on her spelling test, which i was super proud of but made a D on her other test  for that week. The teacher wrote a not explaining that she gave her the test back three times, and she didn’t change her answers. She was trying to giver her a chance. The exclamation point at the end of her note tells me that she was a little frustrated with her.

As i sit here typing all of this tears are filling my eyes. Isn’t that what we do as mothers? Worry into oblivion? I am planning on looking up bible verses on worry to make a relaxation book for the oldest, Perhaps i should look them up for me too. Like i said, i am struggling to give this one to God. Right now, I’m just trying to breathe. Please, lord help me to let go of the things i cannot change.

Please help me to give this one to you, as I am struggling with feelings of anxiousness, worry and doubt.