Posted in mommyhood

We are moving on to Second grade!!!

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I was sitting at a coworkers desk when my phone vibrated. Looking down at the message, tears immediately slid from my eyes to my cheeks.  Images from this past year flashed through my mind. The first day of school, all of the struggles with homework, all of the frustration, realizing she needed an evaluation for ADHD, getting those results, and the decision to medicate. All of it down to her sheer determination to drown out all of the distraction in her mind, even before we had her ADHD diagnosis. It all flashed through my eyes and I cried.

The message was simple. Her teacher had texted me one line. She has passed the DRA 14!!! This is what we were waiting for! She needed to be able to focus enough on this one standardized reading level to pass the first grade! To make matters even more emotional, this was three weeks before the last day of school. Leave it to my child to pull it off at the last-minute! She’s passing, she was passing!!!! I had honestly resigned myself to the expectation that we would repeat the first grade despite how well she did in the other subjects in school. Her teacher was right, she knew how to read all along, she just needed help drowning out all the distractions!

It has been a whirlwind of a year, with a whirlwind of emotions to go with it. There has been frustration, tears, laughter, determination, anger at the school system for these standardized tests, hope, and fear. We have experienced them all. There has been weekly conversations with teachers, quarterly meetings with guidance counselors and visits to the pediatrician for month-long testing.

I am thankful for the path God has put us on. I am thankful for her teachers. She had two this year, and while the first one was not my favorite, she was the one mini me needed at the time. She not so subtly hinted that she felt mini me, had problems focusing possible had ADHD. In my mind, ADHD kids were always hyper, which she is not. Then, over the Christmas holidays, her first teacher retired and we got Ms. R.  Ms. R has been a blessing beyond blessings. She has worked with mini me one on one, dealt with my constant text messages and checking on her, and took the time to get creative with mini me, so that she could learn in the way that was best for her. She really went above and beyond for our little girl!

I am thankful for our pediatrician who also specializes in ADHD and put her through a month of testing before diagnosing her with ADHD. I have seen so many physicians just slap the ADHD label on kids with only a screening, and not performing certain tests. He really looked at the whole picture with my daughter, and i couldn’t more thankful for that! I am so thankful, for a pediatrician who asked the parents how we wanted to treat her symptoms. The decision to medicate was not an easy one, but it seems to be the right course for her.

I am thankful for my daughter, who despite all odds never gave up on herself and always tried. Even when everything in the world tried to distract her, she tried.  I have seen a change in her these last couple of months. She has been smiling more, and seems more confident. Before, I could see anxiety in her eyes when it became time to read. My baby girl, i am so unbelievable proud of you! You have had to work harder than a lot of kids this year and even if things didn’t work out the way we had wanted, i still would have been very proud of you!!!!

Now as the summer months begin and the last day of school has occurred, a whole new set of emotions occur! I have a fourth grader, a second grader, and a preschooler! All three in school. I just can’t even deal!

Posted in mommyhood

I am THAT Mom!

Yes, I am THAT mom! The one wearing the soccer mom hat, shamelessly cheering her kids on at the soccer game. The one who took over 400 photos at the soccer game. Yes… I am THAT mom!

I posted the above photo to my Facebook page  realizing that I had in fact become THAT mom! The one we made fun of as we began to start our families. You know, the ones we swore that we would never become. I would be a cool mom, at least that’s what I thought.

The truth is.. I am THAT mom. The one who drives a mini van piled high with toys and sports gear and can’t even begin to remember what it was like to drive a four door sedan. I mean, who does that?

I am THAT mom. The one who meddles when her child gets assigned to an awful soccer coach and emails the sportsplex to have her changed to another coach. Why  yes, I did that. I am THAT mom!

I am THAT mom. The one who calls her 7yo’s teacher almost daily to get a progress report. The one, who reads nightly and makes her read out loud nightly because she’s struggling. I am that mom!

I am the one whose kids enjoy the drive through a little too much. WE are busy, and its easy sometimes. I am that mom!

I am THAT mom! I am the one who sits with her kids during sunday school, because it was the only way to get them to children’s church. You know what? It worked! I am THAT MOM!

I am the mom who cries every year on the first day of school! It doesn’t matter how many years we have been doing this, I am  THAT mom!

I am the mom who asks too many questions about her kid’s school day, because I need to know. I am THAT mom!

I am the mom who will let her kids argue a little too long, just to see if they can resolve it on their own. Perhaps I let those go on way too long. I am THAT mom.

I am the mom who forgot to leave the tooth fairy money under the pillow, and had to do a triple twirl gymnastic move to get it under the pillow while her kid was stretching , praying the whole time she didn’t see you just slide five dollars under the pillow. I am THAT mom.

I am a helicopter  mom, a free range mom, a working mom.  I am a super strict mom, and little too relaxed mom, sometimes a Pinterest mom, and embarrassing mom, a sharing too much mom. I am all of them. I am THAT mom. Shout out to all the  mommies with all the personalities and all the labels. May we wear them all well 🙂

 

Posted in Baby Daddy

Date night and people watching

We did it! We finally made it out to an actual date night. For those of you who are close to us, then you know that there were several attempts at a date night in which we never made it. The most recent fiasco was when the 9yo had an ear infection.

WE never went out to dinner for our anniversary last month, so the husband  arranged for childcare for us to enjoy a kid free dinner. There has been several discussion at work about this new restaurant downtown, so we thought let’s give it a try. Why not?

It’s a trendy southern style restaurant with a twist. They serve the most unbelievable combinations that work! The food was good, and it was nice for us to have some alone time to talk. WE haven’t done much of that lately. It’s just between our busy schedules and spending half the night trying to get the kids to sleep leave little time to talk to your spouse.

What struck me at this restaurant, , was the amount of people watching I could do. This place is a dream for anyone who likes to people watch. What struck me as even more odd, was how old I felt. When you sit there and count how many men are wearing man buns ( both restaurant employees and customers alike), then you can consider yourself old. Old, married and with kids that is. This restaurant catered to either the young and hip, or the older and incredibly wealthy. Oh, how you could see all these rich people in this restaurant. it was quite interesting actually.

Sitting right next to us, was the ” I am rich and I want you to notice me crowd.” This was actually a family, two older parents and their son who looked to be mid twenties. They spent the night actually talking about money and real estate. Yeah, they were quite boring. Then across from us, was the obviously wealthy but very down to earth couple. I have an aunt and uncle like that. They clearly have tons of money, but are some of the most kindest and down to earth people I have ever met. At the bar, was a young girl with a slightly older man. He had a man bun, and she kept grabbing his ass. I am pretty sure her mom was at the bar with them. it was an odd situation. One minute they were all make outey and the next she was talking to her mom ( could be sister) and he was chugging a glass of wine faster than life itself.

As I said before, the food was decent, nice atmosphere, but us old married couples with three kids, well… we would be fine with chick fil a.  We actually had a great time, and the people watching was fun. Do you do that? Just sit back and watch how others interact with each other? In case you were wondering, we seen at least six man buns 😉

 

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Chocolate bannana cake with bananna gelato. Yes please!!!

 

Posted in mommyhood

Today I cried

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while,so that we can see life with a

No one likes to see their kid struggle. No one.. It has been an emotional couple of months with a rollercoaster of emotions to go right along with it. Ever since we received the diagnosis, we have faced a whirlwind of challenges. beginning making the decision to medicate, and now increasing that medication because the lowest dose  of her medication just isn’t working well enough.

This whole year I have tried to do it all. I have tried to be the dedicated employee, the reading tutor, mom, wife, while attempting to maintaining a clean household ( insert laugh here, failing at that one!), getting the other two kids to Soccer practice each week, arriving on time to each game ( all with having snacks, water and appropriate equipment) and finding time for me to possibly excercise read or just do something for me! It’s been hard y’all. Damn hard!

So today, as i was sitting yet again with the guidance counselor at school to discuss mini me’s performannce i cried. I cried because i don’t want her to have to repeat the first grade. I cried because i feel the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. I cried because i don’t feel like there is anyone i can talk to about all of this. I cried because part of me feels like a failure because i am not enough to help her overcome these challenges. Today, I just cried!

 

Posted in mommyhood

Spring Break Fun: Creating a fairy garden

Spring break is in the air! The kids get to let their hair down, and relax for the next week to come. Unfortunately I still have to work this week, but will take a couple of days off to enjoy some time with the kiddos. The girls have been hooked on this fairy garden idea lately and I promised them they could make on  spring break.

Now, this sounds all well and dandy except I am pretty sure that I have what you call a black thumb when it comes to gardening. No really, I kill every plant I touch! So to plant a couple of flowers for the fairy garden is a far stretch for me. I began looking up plants that are low maintenance and cactuses  looked good to me. Desert fairy garden anyone? No.. the girls wouldn’t let me buy a cactus either. They mentioned something about not wanting the fairies to get poked.

Eventually we just decided on a couple of annuals, that may or may not die in a couple of days. I will let ya’ll know! Since I have never so much as planted a seed in our yard, we had to buy everything we needed. Gardening can be expensive ya’ll! Anyways, add a little fairy, fairy house, maybe a cute little dragon and you have yourself a fairy garden! Because one garden isn’t enough we also made a mermaid garden thanks to Michael’s for having those options. Just add a few lights, and you have yourself some magic in your very front yard. WE even found a cute little garden gnome named Winston to watch over our gardens for us. HE is a very chill gnome, seems to like hanging by the palm trees and soaking up the sun.

The girls love their gardens and I loved working in the yard with them. Shh.. Don’t tell anyone I said that. I typically  do not like any resemblance of yard  work! Spring break day one was a huge success! Now, I have to go to work tomorrow while the kids enjoy spending time with their cousin for the day. Why can’t parents get spring break? Oh well, I took off work Wednesday, so only a couple more days, and we will have some more fun planned! What are your spring break plans this year?

 

 

Posted in acceptance

Choosing to love

It was March 15, 2004 on a cloudy yet, sunshiny day when I became the Mrs to my Mr.  I was 22 years old then, and full of love, hope and images of a picture perfect happily ever after. It’s hard to believe it has been thirteen years since we have said ” I do.”

Fast forward to that thirteen years on March 15, 2017 . I received an edible arrangement at work from the hubby and can honestly say that I was completely surprised. How does he still manage to surprise me after all these years?  We had a survey happening at the hospital so my day was long and exhausting, so the nice fruit basket kept me going throughout.

When I came home from work, our anniversary was anything but picture perfect. The house was a complete mess, kids had to be fed; homework need to be done and baths were started. The fancy anniversary dinner consisted of pizza that was eaten roughly around 7pm that night. Then, the hubby fell asleep in Buddy’s room  while putting him to bed. It wasn’t romantic.. it wasn’t ideal. It was just a normal night like any other. It just simply was.

>>>>>>

Apparently when you have been married longer than ten years people start asking what your secret is. Isn’t that funny? Ten years hardly seems like it has been long enough to know the key to keeping a lasting marriage. Yet somehow, seems like a lifetime in this day and age.

Once  you add social media to the mix, anyone can seem like they have this picture perfect marriage and then boom suddenly they are getting divorces leaving others wondering what could have gone wrong. I am sure if you looked at my social media pages then you would think that our marriage is perfect too. We only show people what we want them to see, which is usually  the good stuff. The flowers, the nice gestures, you know.. all that stuff. It hardly seems right to say hey, my husband sucked today..

The truth is, these past thirteen years have not been perfect. We have had some amazing times as well as come incredibly rocky times. It has been hard and a lot of work to continue to stay married for this long! I can’t tell you the magic secret to staying married, because well, we are still a work in progress and I think if anyone tells you different, they are living in a fairytale.

The only thing I can say, is that I am still married because once all the newness and honeymoon phase has worn off , we have to make a choice. A choice to love one another no matter what. I am still married because I choose to love this man even when every when I don’t like him very much. I choose to love the man who put over 200 valentines cards in a bag with different messages he had hand written on the day he asked me to marry him. I choose to love the man who communicates with very little words. I choose to love the man who once drove over an hour away to pick up a tablet that he ordered for me to celebrate a promotion. I choose to love this man who once again drove an hour away to buy soccer cleats for our oldest daughter because she doesn’t like the color pink and the green ones, were only an hour drive away. I choose to love the man who is sleeping right now, while I am sipping a glass of wine and cleaning our house ( I am a little mad about this one, but I still choose to love him.. Wine helps!)

Love is  choice. It is not easy, it is not picture perfect. It simply is the act of showing kindness, gratitude, compassion, and affection for one another. Love is a choice. Who do you choose to love today?

 

 

Posted in acceptance, mommyhood

Facing ADHD

 

It took me a minute to realize that I was holding my breath every time the shadow of feet outlined the crack underneath the door. An hour of waiting and that was lot of breaths being held by this very worried mommy. My mini me sitting in the corner playing with a toy in the office, while my husband and I sat waiting for results to all the testing mini me had done. Does she, or does she not have ADHD? That being the question on our minds. Did parental intuition set in, desperate for any indication as to why on earth this child seems to be struggling, or were we being two completely overly worried parents?

Once the doctor came, in it  was both the quickest and longest conversation we have had with any doctor I have ever experienced in my life. He spent over an hour with us going over test results line by line. I love him for that. We may have had to wait for an hour to see him, but it was because he wanted to ensure that he had enough time to explain the results and what it means for our daughter. The entire office had left for the evening, but we were there with our doctor. The terms, ADHD predominately inattentive type came out of his mouth and I swear at that moment I finally let go of the breath I had been holding. WE went over treatment options, and terms like 504 and IEP to help her in school. Then I swear that sweet doctor looks at me with the most sincere eyes and asks me the million dollar question. ” How do you want to treat this?” I am pretty sure that tears began to fill my eyes, because aside from working as a nurse, no doctor has ever partnered with their patient like this, that I have ever seen. Not really knowing what to say, I finally said that I wanted the treatment option that would help her the best. She is struggling in school and needs help.

The next day I sat in the kitchen holding a medication in my hand with tears streaming down my face and my body shaking. A medication that could help this sweet baby of mine focus, but could have some serious side effects. WE expected this, we knew this was the most likely scenario and yet, my heart felt burdened.  With my daughter in the living room, I silently called out to God. I just couldn’t hold the burden of fear any longer and gave this situation to him. I gave her to him. Suddenly I felt lighter, wiped my tears and drew up that medication as I have done for so many patients at in the hospital. With the good Lord’s grace, she took that medication without fight and I went to work and waited. I am not really sure what i waited for, to hear something bad happened, i don’t know. But i waited for word that she was okay, and she was. Day one of her medication and she was okay.

The first day of her medication was last Friday, and although he said she only needed this on school days, I gave it to her all weekend long to monitor her for side effects. She is on the lowest possible dose, and thankfully she did great! Monday came around and her teacher texted me that she had scored the highest grade on her fluency to date.  I can  breathe again, for now it just may be okay. For now, we have hope that she could still pass the first grade. For now, she only needs the lowest dose possible of this medication. Although that could change in the future, I am so thankful for that. For now, we just wait and see what else God has planned for this beautiful child.