Posted in mommyhood

Hello There.. It’s been awhile!

It’s been so long, I don’t even know where to start. I never planned on taking a blogging hiatus, and yet… here I am, writing for the first time in ages. The truth is, I am not even sure what led me back here in the first place. Life has been crazy hectic and I guess I just lost the thing I did for me. Maybe I am searching for this time again, maybe I need the therapy that writing provides, and just maybe I miss all of my bloggy friends who may or may not still be out there. Maybe.. It is a little of all of the above.

This blog started because I was losing myself. I needed a release on everything I was feeling. I needed to hear from other’s that they were going through the same thing. I guess, I stopped needing that for a while. I don’t know. I’m not even sure if I am any good anymore. Yeah.. I’m whining a little and a little rusty. Keep scrolling if you don’t want to read, I’ll understand!

School starts on Monday, and I just cannot believe it! Where has the Summer gone? I will tell you, dedicated to my Master’s degree that’s where! Graduate school has sucked big time this Summer, and the only good thing I can say, is I passed and with A’s in both classes! I have never spent so much time on writing research papers ever!

This year we have a 5th grader, 3rd grader, and kindergartener! I mean.. I’m trying just typing this! Monday is going to be a mess, and this momma is going to be crying the big ugly cry tears after school drop off! Never gets easier, ever! How is it I have three school aged children? Time needs to slow down a little please.

We met the teachers on Thursay and the Kindergartner is blessed with the same teacher the oldest had when she started Kindergarten. We prayed and hoped he he would get her and he did! She is such a special teacher, and we are so thankful! The oldest seems to have a great teacher and i am really impressed! Now, the 3rd grader, jury is still out on that teacher. Time will tell i guess.

The truth is, we are blessed she is going to the third grade and evey year is a struggle. The more years we are in the public school system, the more i learn how ill equipped the school system is to handle kids who have ADHD or any other disability. These standardized curricuum and ways of learning are not the best for every kid. Last year, it wasn’t until January we decided to get her a tutor that truly made a difference.The medicatins help and has done wonders for her, but she still needs a creative learning environment. My prayer this year, is that we have teachers who will teach each of our children to his or her individual needs and create a fun, and safe learning environment. We have been blessed with some awesome teachers, and hope we have just as awesome teachers this year!

Okay, that’s all i have for now! Maybe i will write again and turn this back into a routine!

 

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Posted in mommyhood

Because sometimes kids are embarrassing

You know us parenting bloggers like to share funny things our kids do or say. Sometimes we share a weekly things my kid said post. You wanna know a secret? Sometimes my kids do stuff that embarrass the crap out of me! I know.. I know.. I should be the one embarrassing them! So without further ado, I give you the things my kids did to embarrass me this week!

Setting: Physician waiting room full of people

4yo grabs hold of my boob and continues to sit there and hold it. Seriously, this kid was never even breast-fed, He has no claim to that body part! the more i tried to move his hand away without making a scene, the more he laughed and kept trying to hold my boob! Naturally i blame his father for his boob obsession.

Setting: Michaels craft store

9yo- EEWWW! What is that smell?

7yo-oh right! I had gas! ( stating this as loud as she can)

9yo- Gross! Mama! she farted!!! ( again yelling at the top of her lungs as I could not hear or smell the situation at hand!)

Sigh, I guess  i will just have to take pleasure in the knowledge that i will get to pay them back for all these embarrassing moments one day! What has your child done to embarrass you lately?

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

Bring them to Church

Today I sat at the dining room table live streaming the sermon from church. We have recently started attending church and due to the late night New Year’s eve partying (not quite to midnight but still stayed awake till 10pm, Ha!),  we decided to let the kids continue sleeping.

As the pastor was speaking, I swear it was as if he was talking directly to me. He was talking about raising children and spending time praying with them, choosing godly friends for them and setting the example for faithfulness.

I am embarrassed to admit that attending church is something new to our family. It is not as if we didn’t believe B.C. (before children) or anything. We just simply stopped being intentional in our faith. Life became chaotic and before we could realize, our faith and God was put on the back burner.

Today’s sermon reminded me of our first day at church. It’s the church my sister-in-law and her husband attend, so we decided to give it a try. unfortunately we kind of sprung it on the kids, so they were a little apprehensive.

First we took the older kids to sunday school, where we registered them and me and the hubby had to get fingerprints scanned and our pictures taken. I have to say I was quite impressed. Too Bad the kids were not as impressed. When it came time to take their photos tears came streaming down as if we had told them they were getting the flu vaccine. The people who worked there were really nice but my poor kids were just not going to cooperate. We toured, then we politely said maybe next time.

If that wasn’t enough, it was time to walk the 4yo to his preschool class. Silly me thought it would be easier for him since his cousin would be in the same class. That would be a big fat no on the easy front. He screamed and the teacher had to quite literally peel him off of me. Her words were ” just let me take him and run momma!” so that I did.

After what felt like a lifetime, we finally made it to the service. Arriving to church early and now late for the service thanks to the fiasco of trying to get the kids into class. We had sat down for all of five minutes when the oldest stated she was bored. So back to Sunday school we went!

It was right after I dropped the oldest to class and made it back downstairs that I received the text. 4yo is still upset and completely inconsolable. What? my son? So I turned my butt around the corner to the preschool and sure enough, they had pulled my son out of the classroom in an attempt to calm him down with one on one attention, but no. He was still crying inconsolably. The only thing I could do was grab that sweet boy and head back to church. Did I mention we were sitting in the very back row at the top of the stairs? Yep, I had to carry my 4yo all the way back up those steps in heels. Whew! Now with the 4yo in my lap I could get my church on!

The truth is I was anxious. I really didn’t pay that much attention that first day, because all the chaos stressed me out. Part of me wondered if this would all be worth it. Is stressing myself and my kids out worth going through this every Sunday? I wasn’t really sure. But  then I began reading a bible study called Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood. That’s when I began to understand.

I was reading Day four of the first week in the study, when it began talking about bringing our children to God. The author shares an experience a friend had with her children not being welcome in the adult church and explains that it really isn’t a church you would want to attend then. What I learned was, that God wants us to continue to try to show up even when it’s hard. Even when its stressful, we should still try. So we did. My kids sit with me and my husband in the adult services bored, and flopping all over those church pews but they sit quietly and we show up. I hope that one day my kids will feel comfortable attending the children’s services but how wonderful to attend a church that isn’t bothered with children in the service. My parents always sent us to church on a bus and never attended with us so I like that we do this as a family. What a blessing.

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. he said to them ” Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. – Mark 10:13-14,16.

 

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

Fun on the Farm

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Oh how I love the fall! The cool crisp air, and the colors of orange, red and green everywhere. The pumpkin spice latte’s and apple crisps. This time of year just makes you want to head outdoors and have some fun.

One of my favorite things to do is going to the pumpkin patch at one of our local farms and just enjoy being outdoors as a family. The kids get ridiculously dirty and we all leave exhausted.

This year we had my best friend and her kids join us. What happens when you have six kids ages 9 and under at the pumpkin patch together? A whole lot of chaos that is what. We couldn’t take our eyes off those little suckers for a second. Someone was always disappearing and the sibling fights, lord the sibling fights. I was just grateful that it wasn’t my kids this time. While going through the corn maze her two boys decided that it would be best to beat the living crap out of each other while trying to find their way out. It was pretty smart actually, there was no where for little brother to run to. we were stuck in nothing but corn!

My kids actually behaved this time, and I was equally boasting at their good behavior and suspicious. What did they want? no really, they were behaving pretty decently which allowed me to help my friend. Her hubby had to work, so it was her and the kids. I have totally been there. I am glad she came though, sometimes you just want another mom around to commiserate with you.

img_4573The farm had a great playground for the kids, and even had some go carts for the kids. Really they were pedal cars that looked like go carts. In true farm fashion, there was a huge dirt hill for all the kids to slide down. Did I mention the kids got  filthy? Thank goodness we learned our lesson last year, and put the kids in old clothes that we didn’t care if they got dirty. Last year, each kid had a brand new outfit and ruined them. lessons learned…lessons learned. IMG_4630.JPG

 

At the end of the day we let the kids each pick out one pumpkin. There is just something about picking out a pumpkin from a real life pumpkin patch that just makes the season more official. That and pumpkin spice latte’s.. those are good too! What is your favorite thing about fall? Please share your stories with me 🙂

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Posted in acceptance

A year later….

It has been a year. One year ago, i was sitting on a couch crying my eyes out. It’s been one year since we received 7yo’s unofficial diagnosis, as well as her official one. One year ago we were sitting at a licensed therapist office as she was explaining that our child is barely holding it together. It was one year ago when she told us, that our then seven-year old has symptoms of clinical depression and OCD tendencies.

It wasn’t long after that first meeting that we received her official diagnosis of MTHFR. A genetic mutation that can cause depression and a laundry list of other things. I would love to tell you that this past year has been easy, but it hasn’t. I would love to tell you that we have arrived and all is right in the world and that would be equally true and untrue.

It has been a year of learning patience ( I am still working on this one), understanding and challenges that I never thought we would face as parents this early in the game. When your child has a physical illness, it’s  for the most part simple. you know what to do. They have a fever, you give Tylenol. Step throat? we got meds to fix that. But OCD and Depression, well… that’s not so easy.

For this entire year, we have visited the therapist every two weeks without fail. We have tried journaling, and other techniques. WE have made a lot of progress, but still ways to go. She has went from having a complete flat affect to showing facial expressions and excitement. She continues to open up to me a little more every day. Whether it be friendship troubles or a sibling spat, she is starting to feel comfortable talking to me about those things. She doesn’t always push me away when I try to comfort her now. Before, she would scream and push me away if I came near her when she was upset. It is awful to feel like there is nothing you can do to help your child.

My favorite progress so far is her ability to show her excitement. To have true facial expressions. It was completely heartbreaking to see my 7yo never show excitement.  Slightly less than a year ago, I began to write the following :

Depression on my seven-year old is riding the merry-go-round and never smiling. Imagine going round and round on that shiny horse and feeling nothing. When most kids are smiling and laughing, mine is flat. No expression, just hollow inside.

Depression in a seven-year old is never wanting to play outside.  It is choosing to isolate yourself, even in your own family. It is sitting in the hallway and reading versus playing in the living room with your siblings.

This year, I pray for continued progress. For my daughter to better understand feelings and emotions. I pray more than anything for my daughter to tell me she loves me. Something she has said only a handful of times in her life. She simply does not understand emotions and seems unsure of what she feels.

This road will never be easy. It will be hard, it will be painful. It is parenting.

Trust in my unfailing love .. I am in control – Jesus Always

 

Posted in mommyhood

When you can’t be everything…give yourself a little grace

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There are days when you feel like you are rocking the mom department, and days when you feel like there just isn’t enough of you to go around. The 7yo has been sick and began to lose her voice, when she spiked a fever and actually asked for pain medicine for her throat. She no longer has her tonsils, however it is still possible for her to get strep throat. The decision was made to take her to the doctor this morning. Get her tested just in case.

You are probably wondering what the dilemma is at this point. Well, you see it’s Saturday and 8yo’s very first soccer game! You read that right. My shy, introverted little girl has decided that soccer looks fun enough to join. After weeks of her asking, we decided to let her try it and see how things go. So far, she really seems to enjoy it and says it is her favorite sport. Her game is at the same time as her brother’s so we decided that dividing and conquering the games would be best. Her request was that mommy watch her play first. Sigh.. now how to break the news.

As I am caring for the 7yo, I am blaming myself. Why can’t I be two places at once? Why can’t I be everything to everyone? Why can’t I meet all of my children’s needs? Why am I not enough? Yes, I was having a moment. This first game is important to me, but taking care of 7yo is also very important.

After calling  the husband at work, who will soon be on his way home , it was time to tell 8yo. Bracing myself for an emotional upset, I explained the situation. I told her that 7yo is sick and mommy has to take her to get checked out. I will have to miss the game. Bracing myself, ,my 8yo gave me the grace I didn’t realize I needed. The grace that I had refused to give myself. She simply looks at my and says ” It’s okay mommy. You have a really good reason for not coming.”

Sometimes I forget that this child is wise beyond her years. Sometimes I forget that despite her OCD, anxiety and emotional issues, she has made amazing progress. Sometimes, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and forget to give myself a little grace. Today, this child gave me the grace I needed. Today, god gave me the grace I needed. I had written hopes of attending the game, when the pediatrician said that 7yo simply had seasonal allergies. He sore throat from pure sinus drainage. We even made it to the soccer game in time to watch most of 8yo’s game! Some might question, the need for all this drama, but I know it was gods way of teaching me to have a little grace 🙂

 

 

Posted in mommyhood

First Grade

 

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The fist day of school and she could hardly contain her excitement. My kids are those little freaky kids who actually like school! Well, at least one of them does. It’s now a month later and the 7yo is telling me how she doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow. She had a rough year in Kindergarten and wasn’t as prepared as she should be. We passed, but she still has a tough road ahead. Reading has been a struggle for her despite our love or books and constant reading at home.

It was the second week of school, when I called the teacher in a panic. WE cannot have the same year all over again, and what is the deal with all this homework! She has more homework than my third grader, and I really do not remember my third grader having this much when she was in first grade just two years ago. The teacher and I talked for nearly an hour. Explaining, to me the higher standard this year. Guess what? The teachers do not like it either. We spend nearly two hours each night reading, practicing spelling words and learning vocabulary. Yep, my sweet first grader who is struggling to read also has to learn the meaning behind other words that are not her sight words. Sigh!

Needless to say, this is going to be a tough year. I jut wish the public school system focused on other things, besides standardized tests at the age of seven! They should be learning creatively, and while I think the teacher is doing her best, she is inhibited by certain standards for herself as a teacher. It stinks. I have been praying for mini me non stop, to build her confidence so she can enjoy school. It is such a special time. Every chance I get, I tell her how proud of her that she works so hard and is so persistent in her learning. She is so smart, and we just have to keep focused. I just wish there wasn’t so much homework and stress for these little first graders.