Posted in mommyhood

I am THAT Mom!

Yes, I am THAT mom! The one wearing the soccer mom hat, shamelessly cheering her kids on at the soccer game. The one who took over 400 photos at the soccer game. Yes… I am THAT mom!

I posted the above photo to my Facebook page  realizing that I had in fact become THAT mom! The one we made fun of as we began to start our families. You know, the ones we swore that we would never become. I would be a cool mom, at least that’s what I thought.

The truth is.. I am THAT mom. The one who drives a mini van piled high with toys and sports gear and can’t even begin to remember what it was like to drive a four door sedan. I mean, who does that?

I am THAT mom. The one who meddles when her child gets assigned to an awful soccer coach and emails the sportsplex to have her changed to another coach. Why  yes, I did that. I am THAT mom!

I am THAT mom. The one who calls her 7yo’s teacher almost daily to get a progress report. The one, who reads nightly and makes her read out loud nightly because she’s struggling. I am that mom!

I am the one whose kids enjoy the drive through a little too much. WE are busy, and its easy sometimes. I am that mom!

I am THAT mom! I am the one who sits with her kids during sunday school, because it was the only way to get them to children’s church. You know what? It worked! I am THAT MOM!

I am the mom who cries every year on the first day of school! It doesn’t matter how many years we have been doing this, I am  THAT mom!

I am the mom who asks too many questions about her kid’s school day, because I need to know. I am THAT mom!

I am the mom who will let her kids argue a little too long, just to see if they can resolve it on their own. Perhaps I let those go on way too long. I am THAT mom.

I am the mom who forgot to leave the tooth fairy money under the pillow, and had to do a triple twirl gymnastic move to get it under the pillow while her kid was stretching , praying the whole time she didn’t see you just slide five dollars under the pillow. I am THAT mom.

I am a helicopter  mom, a free range mom, a working mom.  I am a super strict mom, and little too relaxed mom, sometimes a Pinterest mom, and embarrassing mom, a sharing too much mom. I am all of them. I am THAT mom. Shout out to all the  mommies with all the personalities and all the labels. May we wear them all well 🙂

 

Posted in mommyhood

Today I cried

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while,so that we can see life with a

No one likes to see their kid struggle. No one.. It has been an emotional couple of months with a rollercoaster of emotions to go right along with it. Ever since we received the diagnosis, we have faced a whirlwind of challenges. beginning making the decision to medicate, and now increasing that medication because the lowest dose  of her medication just isn’t working well enough.

This whole year I have tried to do it all. I have tried to be the dedicated employee, the reading tutor, mom, wife, while attempting to maintaining a clean household ( insert laugh here, failing at that one!), getting the other two kids to Soccer practice each week, arriving on time to each game ( all with having snacks, water and appropriate equipment) and finding time for me to possibly excercise read or just do something for me! It’s been hard y’all. Damn hard!

So today, as i was sitting yet again with the guidance counselor at school to discuss mini me’s performannce i cried. I cried because i don’t want her to have to repeat the first grade. I cried because i feel the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. I cried because i don’t feel like there is anyone i can talk to about all of this. I cried because part of me feels like a failure because i am not enough to help her overcome these challenges. Today, I just cried!

 

Posted in mommyhood

Not that kind of girl

WE woke up last Sunday morning to the 9yo ( Holy shit she is nine!)telling me that her ear hurt. Minutes later she acted as if everything was fine, so we continued to get dressed and ready for church. The Hubby had to do some work before church so he had left the house earlier that morning.

Once we arrived to church, we checked 4yo in preschool and then quickly sat down. At this point it was just me and the girls as the hubby had yet to arrive. Quickly the service began with its glorious music filled auditorium. Less than five minutes into the music and I looked over at 9yo who had tears streaming down her face! She kept wiping them as if to hide her emotions while in church. Immediately going to her, I said let’s go outside and asked my sister-in-law to keep an eye on 7yo who was sitting with us as well.

What’s wrong I asked as we got outside, and she explained that her ears began hurting again with all the music. This is  a church that plays contemporary Christian so percussion is definitely on the list of instruments playing, so I can see how that bothered her little ears. I had to call the husband and explain the situation, which was that we were going to urgent care and thankfully he was almost at the church, so me and 9yo whizzed through the parking lot in order to get out of dodge. I texted my sister-in-law on the way, but the poor thing didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. She simply thought 9yo wanted to go to children’s church and I stayed to watch.

Once we got to urgent care, things kind of go south. “She has so much ear wax that it’s covering the ear drum.” The physician said. We are going to need to clean those out. All I could think was good luck, this kid freaks out if you even think about looking in her mouth or ears. But committed to the team that we would try our hardest.

Now, if you have never had this done before and can be quite alarming. They place ear drops in your ears, let that sit and then proceed to flush out your ears with water in attempts to get the wax out. Well, the screaming soon began. She screamed bloody murders as they flushed her ears and I wiped her face telling her it was going to be okay. You lied to me!! She shouted while the nurse  desperately tried. to get the wax out of ears.  “We got the left one clear!” the nurse shouted, but then determined the need for more drops in the right ear because it wasn’t going to budge.

At some point, while waiting for the drops to sit for a bit, the nurse came in and handed 9yo a bunch of stickers. AS I went through them I shake my  head. They were all princesses. I am talking Cinderella, sleeping beauty, you know all of those frilly princesses. Considering my daughter walked into that urgent care sporting a Pokémon hat, I just kept those stickers to my self.

Once we were finished and realized the right ear was a lost cause, the doctor decided to prescribe some antibiotics just in case. While waiting at our local target for her prescription, I took out the stickers and handed them to 9yo and asked if she wanted any of them. She looks down at those stickers and says “Nah! I’m not that kind of Girl!” HMM.. Maybe someone should tell those urgent care folks that not all girls are princesses, Some are Pokémon and dragon trainer warriors!

 

Posted in mommyhood

Even when they hate us, they need us

 

I hate my life! she yelled as we were trying to get through our bedtime routine. There was a loud thunderstorm happening outside and she wanted me to sit in her bed and read to her.  The 7yo was being clingy so I sat with her attached to my hip while reading  our nightly bedtime story of Eloise. It became clear that this was not good enough for the 9yo who was completely melting down before my eyes ; her words slapping me in the face as she ranted like a bratty teenager.  I wish I could tell you I was patient and said all the right things to her. Instead, I yelled. told her to stop screaming and calm down. I am pretty sure that is the worst thing you can say to a child with anxiety.  I wish I had tried to get her to look at the horse picture her counselor gave to us to use as a focal point for relaxation. Instead, I became increasingly frustrated.  Instead she yelled “I hate my life, you are making this day horrible!” It hurts when your child says such things to you, so after yelling and making it worse I sat there and ignored her. Let her rant, because what else could I do with a frightened seven year old, who is also battling a form of anxiety.

Once the 7yo was finally asleep and the storm was calm I did the only thing I knew to do.  I got in bed and lied down net to nine year old who was still wide awake in all of her anxious glory. She must have decided that her life wasn’t all that bad because  we spent the next hour talking. We talked about school, friendship troubles and Soccer. Part of me thinks she was having a little anxiety about starting back school in addition to the thunderstorm. WE laughed, and we talked and just like that, the frustration seemed foolish. I wish I had the patience to handle the situation better in the beginning.

At nine years old and such a wise sole, I forget that she is still just a child. In some ways so mature for her age and some ways so childlike. Add a little OCD tendencies and anxiety to the mix and sometimes I just don’t know what to do. I feel ill prepared to parent a child with anxiety. My inpatient nature gets the best of me. The truth is, she just needed me every bit as much as 7yo needed me.

They need us. Even when they are yelling how much they hate their life, they need us. Even when their words hurt and pierce us to our soul, they need us.  They need us to be strong and to somehow hold it together. To protect them from all of life’s overwhelmingly terrifying events. When we fall, they will forgive us. Their love is so pure and unconditional and all they really need us to give them is us. There will be times when we fail and times when we hit the nail on the head. One thing is for sure, they will always love us.

What challenges have  you had in parenting this week?wpid-2015-07-17_23.01.55.jpg

 

Posted in mommy mishaps

A tale of one mom’s attempt at the family dinner

crazy-house1

Lately our schedules have been jam-packed with soccer practices, games , homework and other scheduled events. I thought  it would be nice to take the time to make a nice dinner and sit together as a family. This is something we are not so good at, even when life is not so hectic.

With visions of laughter and  conversation in my head. I chopped those veggies and roasted the chicken. Yes, my mind had a perfect dinner with perfect conversation and togetherness with our family. I know, I know.. stop laughing at me okay. A girl can dream!

The truth is, with all the craziness, I am finding it hard to connect as a family. The hubby and I split up and one takes a kid to Soccer while the other sits at home and does the whole homework routine. It is chaos and leaves little to connect.

Dinner was almost done, when the oldest began to wail! I mean, what the heck is she crying for. Apparently the tail to her pikachu came off and will need to be sewn back on. To me, a simple fix. To her, the end of life as we know it.

At this point, I began to plate the food when the middle kid asks me what’s for dinner. I explain that it is chicken and she immediately asks for ketchup. Sure you can have Ketchup I say when she looks at the plates and realizes it is not chicken nuggets! It’s not dinosaur chicken, she says in disgust! Nope, not dinosaur chicken. It’s real CHICKEN!! JUST EAT IT! I must have looked like a mental patient because she gave me an odd look and says nope, its gross!

The four-year old looks at me and says ” I love chicken and veggies”! Yes, a kid who might actually eat what I cook! I ask the hubby to come help, but he is walking around whining.. something about being constipated and then disappears. Are you freaking kidding me! The 4yo is already at the table when i call the girls over for dinner. begrudgingly the oldest comes to the table. The 7yo isn’t interested and begins running around. I don’t like that chicken, something to that effect. Meanwhile oldest takes a bit and refuses to eat more! Says it doesn’t taste good, begins crying about her Pikachu.. Good lord, this experiment has failed! Somebody wants milk, I’m just trying to take one bite while it’s hot and where the hell is my husband! Oh.. he’s just trying to poop one of the kids says.. Uggh!

By the time the husband comes out, we have finished dinner and he is still complaining about his stomach! Sighh.. It’s time for bath and bed. This mommy is tired!

 

Posted in mommyhood

What are drugs?

ribbon

This week at school is red ribbon week. A week that if you are in the public school system are most likely familiar with. It’s the week the schools focus on teaching kids to say no to drugs and find creative ways to spread the word. Yes, this starts in elementary school.

On Monday, 7yo won a backpack raffle at school and the backpack had small gifts that all said things like “just say no” etc. As I opened the van door to let her out of the car, she asks ” mommy, what are drugs?” uhhh..well…hmm.. “let’s just go inside and we will talk about drugs.

The whole thirty seconds it took to arrive at the front door felt like an eternity as I racked my brain on how to answer this important question for my 7YO!!! we get in the house and I just go for it! I start explaining the reaction to drugs and how they are bad for you. I explain that they cause addiction and people to behave in ways they normally would not. next thing I know she is holding her hand up and says ” just stop.”  I still do not know what a drug is!!!! Well.. damn.. let’s see.. a pill, a powder.. liquid.. herbs.. bath salts pick your poison.

I was overwhlemed and caught off guard. I honestly didn’t know how to anser this question for her in ways that she could understand or relate to. I think like a nurse, so i tend to rely on those experiences from my career to explain the horrible outcomes of drug addiction and overdosing. Someone should write a manual on how to answer this stuff!

The truth is, drugs is not one concrete thing. It is many things that can alter one’s perception and mentation. it can cause death and suffering like nothing i have ever seen. Worse than cancer and other physical illnesses out there. Drugs can break up homes and relationships and cost many their lives way too soon. How do i make a child understand this topic? How do you explain drugs to your children? I need simple terms that my daughter can understand. Any thoughts?

 

Posted in mommyhood

I get to do this!

I am sitting her drinking my coffee and thinking about the events for the day ahead. The kids are still asleep so it is just me and all the quiet I will not see again until after bedtime tonight. First we have the 8yo and 3yo’s  soccer games. Then we have lunch and with any luck nap time for the youngest while I clean the house a little. After that, its fall festivals and Halloween trunk or treats. We have missed several activities due to our new found love of soccer, so there will be trunk or treating! Busy schedules and party planning be damned!

When people first hear that I work full time, am a student anywhere from full time to part time, and manage a blog, they often look at me and claim I am super woman. The next question almost always follows suit. “How do you do it”?  I typically laugh this off to keep the conversation light and provide my standard response of “I just don’t stop and think about it.”

The truth is, I think about it. I am exhausted and most days seem to daunting. I am not the supermom that everyone seems to think that I am. I cry out of sheer exhaustion. Today, I set my alarm at 4am  on a Saturday to complete homework, because I can barely keep my eyes open at 9pm at night. Today, I am up at 4am to begin house cleaning for my son’s birthday party tomorrow, because tonight I will spend time with my kids.

I read a paragraph two days ago that spoke to me on a level I didn’t realize I needed. The passage talked about feeling overwhelmed by daunting tasks. This one line has changed my way of thinking ( at least for now) for the better. When you feel life is overwhelming you, train your thinking from I have to do this, to I get to do this!

When I think of all the things I get to do, I am overwhelmed with pride and happiness instead of exhaustion and hopelessness. I get to be my children’s mom and I get to go to school. I have spoken to many woman who would like to go to school, but can’t because their spouse isn’t supportive of the decision or there are financial impacts that they just can’t manage right now.

I get to be a working mom who loves her job and her children. I get to work at a job that allows me to put my children first and remains supportive and flexible when I need to attend a seminar at the kids school, or take them to their appointments. I get to take my kids to soccer practice and see the enjoyment on their faces when they kick the ball down the field. I get to do this!

While it has only been a couple of days, these few little words have been life changing! I encourage you to try it when you feel life is daunting. Share your stories and comments below. What do you get to do?

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